


Beautiful

by Pho3nixqu33n



Series: Beautiful [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Female Character, Clexa, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Female Relationships, Friends to Lovers, Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-02-17 03:06:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13067802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pho3nixqu33n/pseuds/Pho3nixqu33n
Summary: Clarke and her friends convince Anya's cousin to be her fake girlfriend for the holidays.





	1. Halloween

Halloween

“How do I look?”  
“Fucking scary. What about me?” Lexa looks the uptight lawyer up and down.  
“Fucking terrifying.”  
“Shut up. You’re not helping.”  
“Really couldn’t bring yourself to dress up huh?”  
“You know I hate this holiday.”  
“I know, so you must really like this one.”  
“I do.”  
“That’s why I’m here to save your ass.”

“Hel-lo.” A tall dark haired guy in his thirties mumbles as his jaw falls open at the site of Anya. “I object to this indecent display of sexiness?” He embraces his girlfriend and Anya giggles, loosening up a bit. Lexa is happy to see this side of her.  
“Ahem.”  
“Oh, babe, this is Lexa, my cousin.”  
“Oh right! So glad to finally meet you!” He gives her a big hug. Lexa likes that he’s happy go lucky perfect contrast to Anya's serious demeanor.  
“You too. I’ve heard wonderful things, and you better hope they are all true because if you hurt her in any way I will fucking break your legs.” She breaks the hug. “So, let’s party, awesome house!” She leads the way and Bellamy is speechless.  
“I warned you.”  
“You did.”

“Really, Clarke, you couldn’t come up with anything more creative?”  
“You’re lucky I even dressed up.”  
“Yes, always an honor when the Princess graces us with her presence.” Raven, dressed in a ridiculous “one night stand” outfit bows.  
“Your wife is looking for you.” She indicates with her gaze and a wave.  
“Looking good, Princess!” The girl was dressed as Harley Quinn.  
“Oh, this old thing? I’m liking the sociopath look, Luna.”  
“Come play with us outside.” She looks out and sees groups of people carrying on with drinking games. Then a glow in the dark calavera catches her eye. Their gazes connect and the calavera smiles the biggest most ridiculous smile and Clarke can’t help but laugh. Then a crowd walks by and the moment is over. The calavera vanishes from sight.  
“You two go, I need some liquid courage.”  
“Alright princess, but we’re coming back for you!” Clarke absolutely adored her friends, who in their early thirties continued to enjoy life regardless of how busy they were with their careers. She was the least outgoing as the introverted intellectual of the group. Yet they always loved her for exactly who she was. She walks to the island kitchen and prepares herself a plate of food and a glass of wine. She is shortly joined by Bell and Anya .  
“Clarke! There you are!” He gives her a big bear hug.  
“Hey, Bell living out your Freudian identity I see.” He proudly snaps the suspenders of his nerd outfit.  
“You know it! As are you, again.” Since they were kids Clarke has dressed as some sort of princess.  
“Well when you’re royalty.”  
“Clarke, I want you to meet Anya. Babe, this is Clarke. She's the nice one.”  
“Anya, so nice to meet you.” She shakes her hand. “Finally you bring someone tasteful home.”  
“Yeah, don’t really know how that happened, but I’m glad it did.”  
“Welcome to our dysfunctional family.” Work friends call him to come outside. “Your people are calling you. She’ll be fine with me, right?” She looks at Anya , who actually feels comfortable with Clarke and nods.  
“Are you sure, babe? I mean you just got here.”  
“I’m fine, wine sounds really good right now. Go!” He kisses her chastely. “Don’t scare her off, Princess. I’ll never forgive you.” She rolls her eyes. She pours her a glass and the two hit it off.

“So, have you met his parents?”  
“Not yet. If I survive tonight then I'll consider Thanksgiving.”  
“Well, I think you are perfect for him. I haven’t seen him this happy, well ever.”  
“How about you? Seeing anyone?”  
“Fortunately, and unfortunately no.”  
“Explain. You’re hot, successful and intelligent-“  
“Exactly why it’s so hard to meet someone-”  
“Good enough?”  
“God! That sounds horrible doesn’t it?”  
“Not at all, you should set extremely high standards. I would never dare settle just for anyone. I’d rather be alone.”  
“Please don’t ever leave Bell, I want to keep you.” Anya is flattered and laughs as they finish a bottle of red.  
“My friends and family think that my standards are limiting me.”  
“What are they?”  
“They should have a high degree, a successful career, they should speak at least 1 other language, play an instrument, have appreciation for art and are world travelers.”  
“Well there’s nothing wrong with that, but, what about the person?”  
“What do you mean?” Before Anya can answer they are interrupted by Bell grabbing Clarke abruptly from behind scaring her thoughts away.  
“Oh my god!” The trio laugh uncontrollably as Clarke almost has a heart attack. She punches him hard. "Not cool, Nerd!"  
“Ouch! So, babe, having fun?” He wraps his arms around Anya’s waist and away from Clarke who wonders how two opposites could make such a sweet couple.  
“So much fun. Clarke and I were talking about-“  
“Thanksgiving, and how she will meet your amazing family, thanks to me.”  
“Really?" He asks in disbelief.  
“Yes, Baby. I want to meet your family.” He kisses her sweetly and Clarke is so happy for her friend.  
“You’re welcome. I, on the other hand, have to suffer another awkward blind date experience at the Griffin Estate.”  
“Aww, princess. You know they just want you to be happy.”  
“I am happy.”  
“Your parents set up dates for you on the holidays?”  
“Yup! For the past 2 years. Holidays, vacations casual get togethers, pretty much whenever I see them”  
“I would not be able to handle that”  
“Yeah, well I don’t think I can do it anymore. Part of me wants to move to France now so I can meet the man or woman of my dreams.”  
“You should just bring a date this year, someone you can trust but is not in our circle.”  
“Actually, it’s not the worst idea, I just don’t have anyone to bring. My parents know everyone I talk to.” They hear cheering outside as a group of guys lifted up Lexa as a winner of some game. Then Bell and Anya look at each other.  
“We have the perfect fake girlfriend for you.” Just then, Rae and Luna join them.  
“What’s going on? Are we colluding? I smell a good collusion brewing.”  
“Yes, Clarke's Operation Fake Girlfriend for Thanksgiving.”  
“Ooooohhhhh, I like it. Who’s the lucky person?”  
“Anya’s cousin, Lexa.”  
“Lexa, the smoking hot calavera hipster? That’s your cousin?!” Clarke feels her hair go up at the mention of the calavera that she made eye contact with earlier in the evening. “You just got even cooler, opposing council.”  
“Rae, be nice!” Clarke, pretty tipsy at this point, hugs Anya to defend her. “So, will your cousin do this for me? Will she play the part of the perfect girlfriend so that my parents can stop worrying about me?”  
“She is very good at this kind of thing. Hence why I brought her, but it’s up to her.”

Bell comes back to the table with Lexa, who sees Clarke laughing with her cousin and studies every detail of her face. She’s in awe of the blue eyed beauty and is intrigued by the turn of events of the evening. Perhaps stars were aligning.  
“Look who I found.” Anya hugs her and Lexa smiles.  
“I think you’ve met everyone except for Clarke.”  
“Hi.” Clarke says with her warm tenor voice that intoxicates Lexa.  
“Hey, I’m Lexa.” Clarke is charmed by her adorable smile and dark eyes all covered in her calavera make up. She feels something but the alcohol has slightly numbed it down.  
“So, Hottie, we have a proposition for you.” Rae interrupts.  
“Is that so? Should I be worried?”  
“Nah girl. Princess here needs a pretend girlfriend for Thanksgiving.”  
“What?” Then Clarke takes her hand and electricity shoots through the brunette's spine.  
“I know it sounds crazy and we've all had a bit to drink and you don’t know me, but I think that this could actually work. Will you hear me out?” Lexa is powerless.  
“I’m listening.”  
“I need an outsider to act as my girlfriend so that my parents don’t try to set me up with anyone this Thanksgiving. And you’re kind of it.”  
“Ok, but you realize that there are so many flaws to this plan, right?”  
“Actually Cuz, we worked it all out. I even wrote up a little contract here.”  
“Anya, I can’t believe you of all people think that this is a good idea.”  
“Look, you go to Thanksgiving weekend with Clarke, then she moves to France where she’ll meet 'the One' thereby putting an end to her parents matchmaking schemes.”  
“France, really?” She tries her best to hide disappointment with curiosity.  
“Yeah, work.”  
“We will miss our Princess, but can’t wait to visit!” Rae introjects.  
“So, what do you think? It would be a great way to spend my last holiday for a while.” Lexa recognizes the sincerity and a part of her feels that this was all meant to be. “If they see me happy on Thanksgiving they’ll leave me alone for Christmas and then I’ll be gone by the New Year." Lexa takes a moment to think: what could go wrong? She gets a chance to spend time with a woman that she’s attracted to.  
“Ok, I’ll do it.” Her friends hoot and holler. Anya has them sign the napkin to make it official. "I, Lexa Woods will serve as the perfect fake girlfriend for Clarke Griffin for Thanksgiving weekend." Clarke signs first and then Lexa, who looks up at Clarke with a grin.  
“So, any concerns?”  
“Not at the moment. You?”  
“Just don’t go falling in love with me.” She teases hoping it would provoke something in the blonde, and it does, but hell if Clarke would admit it even to herself.  
“I thought you were supposed to be likeable.” Lexa smirks. This is going to be fun.

As Lexa opens her car door she realized something and runs back to the house. She catches Clarke walking out.  
“Here. You’ll need this.” Lexa writes her digits on the blonde's hand.  
“Classy, what is this the nineties?”  
“If only. Do you need a ride?"  
"Uber is on its way."  
"Goodnight, Clarke.” As she turns to leave, Clarke calls after her.  
“Lexa, I, um… thank you.”  
“Don’t thank me yet.” Her heart beats as fast as her steps to the car. Clarke smiles amused by the dark calavera that intrigued her at first sight . She ignores these feelings allowing alcohol laced logic to take over her as she waits for her ride. She doesn’t even know what she looks like.


	2. The Morning After

Lexa roles out of bed at 7am to teach her 7:30 am class. Thank Goddess she switched her 5:30 with Chloe. She takes a quick shower and throws on her usual yoga attire and jumps on her bike to her studio. Being an introvert made her public persona performance very taxing but she turns it on for her loyal students and absolutely loves what she gets in return from her community. While picking out her playlist she receives a text from an unknown number.

Unknown: Good morning, it’s Clarke from Bell ’s party.  
Lexa smiles.  
Lexa: I wouldn’t forget my girlfriend.  
Unknown: That would be your FAKE girlfriend, starting on Thanksgiving.  
Lexa: In that case, what can I do for you, girl I met at Bell’s party.  
Unknown: Do you have time today to discuss our arrangement?  
Lexa: Sure, I’m free at 10. Come to Sutra Café on Cedar and 9th. Do you know it?  
Unknown: Great! I’ve been wanting to check it out. See you at 10.

Clarke walks into the Café checks out the cool space as she waits for her drink. Then she stares at a dark toned natural beauty come out of the studio in her black yoga tights revealing her toned muscles and a tight black tank that showcased her abs. A red shawl was draped across her upper body and Clarke noticed some ink on her right shoulder where the shawl dropped. Her hair was in a messy bun, she wore no makeup and had slightly sleepy eyes. Clarke barely recognized her as she realized that she was drooling over Lexa, who enjoys the moment before breaking the bubble. 

“Clarke?” The blonde immediately turns red never having been more embarrassed.  
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I just- I mean- Last night- I-“ Lexa smirks and Clarke snaps out of it. “Oh you’re enjoying this aren’t you?”  
“What? You’re kind of cute when you get caught checking someone out.”  
“Oh please, I was trying to recognize you?”  
“Whatever you say, beautiful. Might want to get that.” She wipes the corner of her mouth to refer to her drooling. Clarke rolls her eyes and is glad to hear that her order is up. They walk to the counter. “So, did you find it ok?”  
“I did. This is a great space. Did you have a class next door?”  
“Yeah, I teach on Saturdays. You should come to a class some time.” Clarke was surprised, she had pegged her to be a jock based on her success at drinking games from the party, not a yogi. Although, looking at her body it made total sense.  
“Oh, so you teach yoga.”  
“I do.”  
“Hey, Lex? Want your usual?” The woman behind the counter asked.  
“Yes please, also can I get the quinoa and poached egg salad? Want anything, Clarke?  
“Um sure, the frittata looks good.”  
“Great choice! It’s fantastic!”  
“Great, I’ll bring that over once it’s up.”  
“Thanks, Indra.” They sit by the window looking out to the small patio.  
“I think I’ve found my new favorite little café.”  
“Trying to find excuses to see me already, huh?”  
“Do you ever stop with the narcissism?”  
“I guess you bring it out in me.”  
“So, I actually have things prepared for our meeting.” She pulls out some documents and her laptop. “It might be helpful to take some notes.” Lexa smiles at how adorable the blonde is. “What?”  
“Nothing, it’s great. You’re very organized.”  
“I don’t half ass anything.”  
“Fair enough, but winning over the family I can do. That’s why I was highly recommended”  
“Also, because I’m pretty desperate.”  
“That too, but what I’m saying is that it’s our chemistry that we need to sell. Based on what you and your friends have told me, which is very little, your parents know you really well.”  
“That’s why I have all this prepared.”  
“And this is important and I will do my part, but Clarke, they have to see that I make you happy, that you are the best most authentic version of you when you are around me. This is what your parents want.” Clarke, thought of all the times her parents and friends would say something along those lines to her and was impressed at how insightful Lexa was.  
“You’re right. This was a horrible idea.”  
“No, look, we can do this, but we need to feel more at ease with each other. You know, so it’s more natural. I don’t kiss ass and I don’t do fake.”  
“Well, that is a problem since you agreed to be my FAKE girlfriend. I thought that’s why Anya brought you to the party.”  
“No, she brought me because I enjoy being around good people. And she trusts my judgment.”  
“How do you know I’m a good person let alone my family?”  
“I genuinely like your friends and you’re starting to grow on me.” She winks. Clarke rolls her eyes to counteract the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach.  
“Ok, fine, we’ll work on our chemistry but you need to work on this.” She hands her the papers she put together.  
“Ok, we will. We’ll do it together.”

“So, we’ve covered, parents, brothers, wives, nieces and nephews,”  
“And adorable grandmother.”  
“Yes, and you know my extended family. Rae and Luna will be there so that will help our cause. But you should meet Octavia. We’ll do dinner when I get back from New York in two weeks. She will be in town.”  
“Who is- wait, you’re leaving for two weeks? That’s major easing into our relationship time that we are losing.”  
“Oh please, you have my number this is the 21st century. And that’s FAKE relationship.”  
“Ok, ok well how about fake sexting?” Clarke can’t help but laugh as she smacks her shoulder. She is just too adorable. “So that’s a maybe.”  
“Good with everyone’s professions, hobbies and passions?”  
“Yeah, except for yours? What makes you tick, fake girlfriend?”  
“We already went through my background. I’m a career girl.”  
“So, you’re passionate about languages. But what is at your core that motivates you?” Clarke looks at her blankly. “Do you want a family one day? How do you want to leave the world?”  
“I never thought I wanted a family but recently it’s crossed my mind. I’m sure it’s normal for women my age. It’s never been a driving force in my life, like I’m fine if it doesn’t happen.”  
“Why wouldn’t it happen?”  
“You’re asking the girl that asked you to be her fake girlfriend? Really?”  
“Touché. But, if it’s genuinely something that you want-“  
“It’s really not that important to me.” She interrupts wanting to change the subject.  
“Ok, so the career girl it is.”  
“You act like it’s such a horrible thing.”  
“Not at all. I admire those dedicated to their their true calling. I have no doubt that you are great at what you do.”  
“But?” It drove Clarke nuts that she was analyzing her.  
“I didn’t say but.”  
“You were thinking it.”  
“Was I?”  
“Just out with it.”  
“Only if you promise to be nice to me.” Clarke’s 100th eye roll of the meeting.  
“Ok.”  
“I sense that there is more to you. I think it’s hard for you to just be because you’ve created a narrative of yourself that fits well. It would be difficult to undo.” Clarke is silent, and a bit insulted but only because she knew it there was truth to it. Lexa can tell that she was affected and eases her out of the situation with humor. “But what the fuck do I know. I dropped out of college.” She takes another bite out of her meal. The comment surprised, Clarke and she automatically starts to judge her, not a trait she is proud of and something she consciously tries to improve. She is aware but also uses it to change the subject, as Lexa had intended.  


“So, my girlfriend is a college dropout?”  
“FAKE girlfriend.”  
“So that leaves our back story of how we met, how long we’ve been together etc.”  
“That’s easy, we can just be honest and say you fell in love with me the moment you set eyes on me at Bell’s party.”  
“Oh, is that how it happened?”  
“You were there.”  
“Fine, FAKE love at first sight it is. At least it makes for a compelling narrative. But it has to be from the summer time. I wouldn’t bring someone home after a month.”  
“So, I must have made quite the impression.”  
“As in, I’m desperate.”  
“Ok, the party where Bell and Anya met.”  
“Perfect.”  
“How about pet names and PDAs?”  
“Hmmm. Didn’t really think about that.”  
“Well good thing you have me, babe.” Clarke grimaces. “Yeah, I didn’t take you for a ‘babe’ kind of girl.”  


She’s cut off by one of the yoga instructors.  
“Hey, Lex, sorry, I have an emergency at home. Can you take my noon?” She cursed her friend for horrible timing, but complied because she genuinely cares.  
“Of course, yeah. Is everything ok?”  
“Aden broke his arm at football practice.”  
“Geez, yeah, get out of here go. I’ll call you later.”  
“Thanks, Lex. I owe you.” She hugs her. Clarke is touched by how sweet she is to him, to everyone really and by the endearing ‘Lex’ that everyone called her.  
“Sorry, Clarke I kind of have to wrap this up. Are we good?”  
“Yeah, of course. Um, so I will see you in 2 weeks and again thank you.”  
“My pleasure, sweetheart.” Clarke shakes her head.  
“Absolutely, not.”  
“Tootes? Honey?”  
“Go teach your class. Thanks for breakfast.”  
“My pleasure.” Without warning Lexa pulls her in for a warm deep hug. It takes Clarke a sec to ease into it but she eventually does. She takes in her earthy lavender/patchouli scent that will forever remain in her memory. Lexa rubs her back warmly before letting go. “Sorry, I’m a hugger.”  
“I’ll let it go this time.” She winks as Lexa clumsily walks away carrying all of her papers and warmly greeting the students. Clarke felt different, she felt a bit shaky, unbalanced yet very much alive. What was this woman doing to her? She finishes her meal and texts Raven and Luna. 

Princess: Operation Fake Turkey is a go. I'll be back in two weeks. Keep an eye on my fake girlfriend while I’m gone. She sends a pic of the napkin contract.  
Luna: Roger that.  
Rae: Congrats, your life just got so much more interesting.


	3. Two Weeks

It had been two weeks of flirting via texts. Lexa knowingly irritating her with pet names and come-ons and Clarke shutting her down every time. She normally found texts annoying while away for work, but she was actually happy to receive them from Lexa. From the outside, she seemed like she was crushing hard. Her editor has never seen her like this.

“So, how long?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You’re seeing someone.”  
“What? No, I’m not.”  
“Then why are you glowing and acting a like teenager with your phone?” Clarke realizes that maybe she was enjoying the texting from her fake girlfriend a bit too much.  
“Oh, no. Just my friends. Sorry, I’ll just, um yeah.”  
“Not a big deal, I was surprised is all, since you’re moving to France in January.”  
“Exactly, no need to worry about that. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for years.”  
“Good, wouldn’t want you to all of a sudden get cold feet.”  
“Never.”

Five days until Thanksgiving

Lexa: Good morning, beautiful.  
Clarke: Beautiful is ok, I like beautiful.  
Lexa: And you call me a narcissist.  
Clarke: We started so well… What do you want?  
Lexa: To confirm your dinner party details.  
Clarke: Oh, right. Tuesday at 7 but you can come over at 6 to prep.  
Lexa: Ok, what shall I bring, what’s the dress code?  
Clarke: Just bring your annoying self and casual chic, I guess.  
Lexa: I figured as much. When do you get back?  
Clarke: Tomorrow night.  
Lexa: Do you need me to pick you up?  
Clarke: Um thanks, but Luna’s got it covered.  
Lexa: You’re making me wait another day to see you, beautiful?  
Clarke: I’m sure you’ll survive.

Clarke couldn’t wait to get home and to see her fake girlfriend but she could not bring herself to admit it. At every opportunity she got she would talk herself out of the undeniable fact that she was indeed crushing hard on Lexa Woods. 

Four Days until Thanksgiving

“Princess! Welcome home!”  
“Thanks for picking me up, Lun.”  
“Of course, so what’s the word?”  
“I’m moving to France in January!”  
“I knew it! Congratulations!” The two get the excitement out of their system as she reads a text. It was a yoga schedule at Sutra.

Lexa: Yoga is great after a long flight. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?”  
“Avoiding my paintings in the studio, then working at the gallery. Why?”  
“Want to go to yoga?”  
“If it means I get to check out Lexa in her yoga tights, then yes. Rae can’t stop talking about it. I need to see for myself” Clarke doesn’t respond to her text hoping to surprise her.  
“I like how you and your wife shamelessly objectify my fake girlfriend. Wait, how would Rae know?”  
“She went to a few classes with Anya and Bell. Surprisingly, Rae and Anya are getting along.”  
“What about you?”  
“I’ve been planning a big event at the gallery for a huge artist. Oh, and by the way, you’re my plus one.”  
“Thank you. Are they any good?”  
“She’s phenomenal! She’s Italian painter and mixed media artist. Costia’s work is stunning. I’ve been wanting to see her shows but they are super exclusive”  
“Costia Maconi? She’s big in New York right now. Why is she here?”  
“Not sure, but rumor at the gallery is that it has to do with her ex. Pretty romantic huh?”  
“Perhaps, or foolish.”  
“Anyway, it will be great networking for you. It’s the night before Thanksgiving.”  
Clarke loved meeting critics and writers and any chance she got she would attend these events to do just that. In turn Clarke and her connections helped write reviews on or promote Luna’s projects and her Gallery. It was a match made in heaven when they met five years ago, and even more so when Clarke set her up with her best friend, the rocket scientist. Two years later they were married and Luna’s been part of Clarke’s family ever since.  
“I wouldn’t miss it.” 

Three Days until Thanksgiving

Clarke had never taken a class like that. Lexa’s playfulness mixed with her ability to heal and connect with people in a gentle, unimposing, non-pretentious way was really moving and it physically kicked the blonde’s butt. She ends the class with a hug to everyone and chatting with her students who sincerely cared about and appreciated their teacher. Clarke was impressed, and it made her think of what she has been lacking for so many years. She’s always had her loyal friends, loving family and her work, but the way strangers and people in general reacted to Lexa was something so admirable. She’s never really worked for her friends and family they’ve always been and she’s not exactly warm and open to the world. Finally, she hugs Luna who thanks her and complements her on her class. 

“So glad you finally made it. I know how busy you’ve been.”  
“Me too, this is exactly what I needed today.”  
“Hey beautiful, welcome back.” She hugs her deeply and Clarke more easily accepts this time. She’s enlivened and all she could manage was a thank you. “So, do I get some FAKE girlfriend time with you today?”  
“Depends on what you have in mind?”  
“It’s a beautiful day for a hike.”  
“Well, we do have a lot to work on…”  
“Great! Luna, you in?”  
“I’ve got some painting to do. You love birds enjoy.”  
“FAKE love birds, not real ones.” Clarke reminds her. Luna laughs knowing what she was waiting for her friend to realize.

“How you holding up, beautiful?”  
“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”  
“Alright, it’s just…”  
“What?”  
“You’re breathing heavily, just checking up on you.”  
“I’m fine.” She bites back. Lexa goes ahead of her and arrives at the peak where she patiently waits for Clarke as she stretches. She hears her panting and smiles.  
“There she is. You made it”  
“Wow,” she looks at the view and at Lexa then back at the view. “Beautiful!”  
“Enjoy it, Clarke. You earned it.”  
“God, I don’t know the last time I went for a hike. Let alone summit a mountain.”  
“This is a foothill at most, Clarke.”  
“Shut up you’re ruining my moment.” They sit comfortably taking in the panoramic view of the city.  
“Do you come here often?”  
“You always use that line after a hike?”  
“Being your fake girlfriend is exhausting.”  
“Ok, ok, Yes, I like to come here to clear my mind and reset.” Clarke looks at her staring out into the valley, lost in her a momentary trance. Lexa was beautiful and moments with her evoked a familiarity that comforted her and simultaneously disoriented her. 

“So, it’s been a while for you huh?” Clarke shakes out of her daydream.  
“Years. My parents are quite the outdoor enthusiasts. They would take us on these very extreme treks when we were growing up.”  
“Really?”  
“I absolutely loved it. We traveled to the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. South America, Europe, all over the US. Then, my brothers got married and started having babies and our wild family adventures stopped. Also, college consumed my life.”  
“I bet it was hard for them.”  
“It was, I only saw them for Christmas and sometimes the summer, but the grandkids made up for it.”  
“It’s hard, when you are so focused to your goals. It’s easy to get caught up.”  
“It is, and it’s hard when my world is so different from theirs. My brothers maintained a similar lifestyle but sometimes I feel like an alien.”  
“You’re a complex woman, Clarke. It’s ok to evolve. And it seems like they understand you.”  
“They do, they’re wonderful that way. Really, they do just want me to be happy, but why they think that means me being with someone is the problem. I love my work and it brings me purpose and joy. It’s not enough for them.”  
“You know, growing up, all I would ever think about was basketball, it was everything. My entire family lived around my schedule to ensure that I would be successful. Including Anya who I’ve always looked up to and was my role model when she played in College.”  
“You’re kidding?”  
“No, why?”  
“She just doesn’t seem like the jock type.”  
“She was never a jock but she’s an incredible athlete and disciplined and relentless work ethic. Once she puts her mind to something she goes for it. But basketball was always just a means to her ultimate goal. She and- She’s my hero.” Clarke noticed her get, slightly choked up.  
“Sorry, I don’t mean to say that athletes are any less than-“  
“It’s ok Clarke, most people do. They don’t consider the emotional and mental maturity necessary to succeed as a professional athlete. I imagine you don’t know any.” She perfectly adverted the real reason of why she was momentarily affected.  
“Well, no, I guess not. What about you? Anya told me you were the athlete.”  
“I wasn’t emotionally ready. So, I quit. But, now I see it wasn’t my true calling.”  
“What is your calling? Yoga?” She hoped it didn’t come out with pretense. If it did, Lexa either didn’t notice or ignored it.  
“That brings me back to my point. We’re all on a journey and if we allow ourselves that chance to grow and become, we start to realize what really matters. Maybe that’s all they want for you.”  
“What really matters?”  
“To you, I don’t know. To me, well, it isn't basketball.”  
“What is it then?”  
“People, sutra. My calling is to heal and help people become their authentic selves.” Clarke felt guilty for how she had judged her as she often does with people, never really giving them a chance to tell their story, never giving herself the chance to listen. The highly aware intellectual who knows everything was slowly realizing that actually, she doesn’t know shit.

“Sutra, that’s the name of your studio?”  
“Yeah, it’s Sanskrit for string or thread that sews and holds things together. It’s a reference to language and the concept of weaving words together to create aphorisms in Buddhist teachings. I also like to use it as a metaphor for sutures and stitches to heal wounds, becoming whole again. Humans are extremely resilient and have an amazing capacity to heal. And sometimes we need help and it’s ok. We’re all in this together.”  
“That’s really inspiring.” Clarke was impressed by her ability to express herself so clearly and poetically. Lexa changes the subject to lighten up the mood.  
“South America huh? Machu Pichu or Patagonia?”  
“Patagonia.”  
“Now that’s inspiring. Your family sounds great. I can’t wait to meet them.”  
“They are pretty wonderful, thanks for reminding me.”  
“I’m starving. Let’s get some lunch.”  
“By the time we get down I’ll be ready for Happy Hour.”  
“Whatever you say, beautiful.” Clarke pulls out her phone to round up the gang for afternoon drinks. 

“So how is the honeymoon phase going?” Raven asks.  
“Well I can’t get more than a hug, so you tell me?”  
“Damn, she’s on lockdown!”  
“You’re lucky you get that. Another round?” They nod. She walks back with the drinks and everyone laughing at something Lexa said. She could only imagine what and feeling more loose slides into the booth being more touchy-feely with the brunette who doesn’t draw attention to it.  
“So, Princess, how was New York?” Bell asks.  
“Great. New York as always.”  
“You know what we’re really asking.”  
“I leave in January!”  
“I knew it!” Bell cries out.  
“Second Honeymoon her I come!” Rae raises her drink. Lexa is a bit confused.  
“What are you guys talking about?”  
“I thought I told you, Lex.” She looks blankly at her. “I’m moving to France in January.” It all hits her at once, the Halloween party and the mention of her move and that New York was to solidify and officially accept the fellowship. The story came together and Lexa’s heart starts to slowly crumble, but she remains unperturbed. She cares for this woman and is genuinely happy for her if it’s what she truly wants, and right now that is the general idea. 

“Yeah, you’re right you did. Congrats!” She holds up her drink and they toast to her. “You know over 50% of long distance relationships fail.” She moves closer as their thighs and shoulders touch. Clarke doesn’t back away.  
“Yeah, but fake ones thrive with distance”  
“So, you see a future with us, do you?”  
“A fake one.” Rae and Bell look at each other.  
“Oh my God, Luna wasn’t lying, you two, are ridiculous. I can’t believe you haven’t hooked up yet.” Bell bursts out laughing as they all have been thinking it. Even Lexa is slightly embarrassed.  
“Jesus, you guys, we’re friends. Way to make it awkward.”  
“We haven’t even spent 24 hours together yet.” Lexa adds.  
“From what Anya tells me, you don’t need that much time.”  
“Oh shit!” Rae high fives the man child. Clarke as she sips her beer immediately almost spits it out and pretends it’s from laughter. But she can’t help but feel irked. Keep it together, Griffin, she’s just a friend.  
“Your girlfriend has a big mouth.” Lexa states as an affirmation more than a comeback.  
“I am not complaining about that.”  
“Christ! Can we not?” 

Lexa walks Clarke to her car wrapping her jean jacket around her, as the blonde was conveniently underdressed for the crisp, late autumn evening.  
“When did it get so cold? Weren’t we just hiking a mountain in yoga attire?” Lexa laughs.  
“By mountain you mean foothill during the hottest part of the day.”  
“You know what I mean.” She lovingly punches her. As they get to her car.  
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“You will.” She rubs her shoulder to keep her warm.  
“I had fun today.”  
“Me too. And we totally have chemistry”  
“By chemistry, you mean you incessantly antagonizing me.”  
“Call it what you want, beautiful, it worked.”  
“You’re right, it did. We might just pull this off. Oh, and Wednesday, I have plans with Luna so you get a night off.”  
“Actually, I have something that night so this works out nicely.” Clarke is curious but doesn’t press.  
“Ok, great. So…”  
“Yeah, see you tomorrow at 6.” They mutually go in for a hug and they bump cheeks awkwardly before they sink into a warm embrace. They hold on longer than FAKE girlfriends should.


	4. Casual Chic

6pm could not come soon enough for Lexa. She finished her 4pm power yoga class, showered and headed to Clarke’s to arrive promptly with a bottle of wine and bouquet of Lillis and chrysanthemums. 

“Hi.” She takes in the aura of the magnificent creature before her. She could smell her before she opened the door. She wore tight black jeans, leather boots, a form fitting Henley with suspenders and a leather jacket. Her hair was down and framed her high cheekbones so naturally.  
“Hey, beautiful.” She hands her the flowers.  
“Wow, these are gorgeous. Come in.” Lexa follows her to the kitchen. She checks her out in her worn, leather tights and striped sweater that fell off the shoulder.  
“This is a nice place, Clarke.”  
“Thanks, I like it.”  
“I definitely see you here.”  
“Let me show you around, I mean you should be familiar with your girlfriend’s place.”  
“Indeed, lead the way.” Lexa loved that she got to know another side of Clarke every time they met, she could get used to unraveling the layers of that complex, brilliant, blonde beauty that had her mesmerized. 

For the hour they had alone, they were just Clarke and Lexa in a kitchen waiting for their friends to join them for dinner.  
“Here, taste this.” Lexa leans in over her to try her sauce. “What does it need?” She takes a moment to let the flavors sink in and Clarke loses herself in her presence, her face so close to the brunette’s that she feels her breathe and the warmth from her body slightly pressed against hers.  
“You assume it’s missing something, but it’s perfect.” She reaches with her lips to get another taste but Clarke denies her and looks at her mischievously.  
“You said it was perfect.” She leans in more and their bodies are flushed.  
“I think I should try again.” Clarke giggles playfully. They look into each other’s eyes and the moment is over before it starts because Rae and Luna arrive with the Latina immediately demanding a drink. They walk in and see the two who immediately step away from each other.

“I need a- whoa, did we interrupt something? Because if we did, Bell owes me money.” Lexa laughs and Clarke rolls her eyes.  
“Jesus, why can’t I have normal friends.”  
“You know you love it, Princess.” She kisses her cheek as she opens a red. “Hey hottie, you wear casual chic well.”  
“You clean up pretty good, Rae.” She hugs her and makes her way to Luna and whispers "I know you dress her, nice job." Luna laughs.  
Bell and Anya walk in baring wine and desserts. They all greet the couple and Bell asks Rae if he owes her money.  
“Not yet, but the night is young.”  
“You two realize we’re both standing right here.”  
“Well then why don’t you help a sister out?”  
“Now that I know, Bell, that money is as good as yours.”  
“Don’t fight it, Princess. Look at her, she’s smoking!” Clarke already knows this and was fighting it, has been fighting it and will continue to fight it because it’s not real. Because she’s moving to France and because Lexa doesn’t meet her standards. Yet, none of that mattered a moment ago when she lost herself in her emerald eyes, her touch, her scent. She ignores Raven’s shenanigans and turns her attention to Bell.

“Is that what I think it is?” Clarke asks with anticipation.  
“Tiramisu from scratch, O’s favorite.”  
“You buttering her up to meet Judge Judy?” Raven asks handing him a beer.  
“Maybe.” Anya was now in the other room with Lexa.  
“Not a bad idea.”  
“Oh stop.” Luna says. “She’ll love her like we all do.”  
“Name one girl that Bell’s brought around that O’s liked.” Luna looks to Clarke for help.  
“I can’t help you. O’s tough to please. Come to think of it, she’s never cared for any of my exes either.”  
“They weren’t exactly crowd pleasers, Princess. No offense.”  
“Oh, come on. You guys liked Wells.” Rae and Bell look at each other in silence.  
“What was wrong with Wells? I don’t remember him.” Luna asked.  
“Yeah, that’s the problem no one does.”  
“He was a really nice guy.” Clarke defends.  
“Nice guy, but incredibly boring.” Bell clarifies.  
“It was like talking to the wall. He was never interested in anything any of us had to say.”  
“He was shy.”  
“You didn’t miss anything, babe.” Raven assures her wife.  
“I’ll take boring Wells over Finn the asshole.” Luna asserts  
“I think we can all agree on that.” Clarke confirms clinking glasses with Luna.

“Anya, stop worrying. It’s just dinner with friends.”  
“With Bellamy’s sister. They’re really close, Lex, and you heard Raven. Judge Judy. She’s going to think I’m the controlling bitch taking her brother away from her. And she’ll make Thanksgiving Hell for me and you won’t be there and-”  
“Woah, whoa, slow down. where did your head go? That’s quite the scenario you’ve thought up. Look, you are who you are. You make Bell happy and that’s the truth. Everything else is irrelevant. And you look great, very… casual chic.” She gets a smile from her cousin.  
“Really?”  
“Really. And, I’ve got your back.”  
“Thanks, Lex. It’s just new to me. I don’t want to fuck up.”  
“You’ve never fucked anything up in your life. Here, this will help you loosen up.” She hands her a glass of red. It was true. To Lexa, Anya was damn near perfect. She has always been Lexa’s rock and has seen her through the best and worst times. 

“Oh! That’s her.” Clarke gets the door. She’s surprised to see O making out with an Adonis of a man. “O?”  
“Clarke!” She breaks from the perfectly chiseled Greek god and jumps into Clarkes arms. “I missed you!”  
“I missed you too, babe. Who’s your friend?”  
“Clarke, this is Lincoln, my fiancé.”  
“Your what?!”  
“Hi Clarke. Nice to meet you. O always talks about you.” The blonde is speechless. The family is finally back together after months of separation. O’s schedule as a travel writer and her recent gig of having her own show on the travel channel was extremely hectic. She and Clarke stayed in contact the most since O sees her as the cool older sister who gives her advice whereas Bell is the overprotective older brother who worries too much. Nevertheless, news of her sudden engagement took even Clarke by surprise. She hears Bell and Raven coming from the kitchen. They walk in and meet in the living room. Clarke allows O to take the lead and is not looking forward to Bell’s reaction.

“Bell!” He lifts her off the ground and gives her his usual bear hug then notices tall, dark and handsome standing next to Clarke and lets his sister down.  
“Bell, I want you to meet-”  
“Lincoln?”  
“Lexa? What are you-” Both are dumbfounded and the everyone is confused. Lexa gives him a long hug and the warmth is mutual.  
“It’s good to see you, Linc.”  
“You too Lex.” There was a tenderness between the two and it didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke or Octavia. But before they could say anything Anya joins the reunion.  
“Anya, You’re here too?” He gives her a big hug.  
“It’s been a long time Linc.”  
“How do all of these good-looking people know each other?” Raven asks the host.  
“I was wondering the same thing.”

“So let me get this straight." The rocket scientist inquires. "Lexa, you and Lincoln know each other from school?” Anya and Linc look at each other, then to Lexa to answer the question.  
“He’s a close family friend. We grew up together.” Somehow Clarke knew there was more to the story but left it alone. She planned to get it out of Lexa later after everyone left.  
“Small world.” Luna says.  
“So how did you two meet?” Bell’s curiosity gets the best of him as he studies every move that Lincoln makes.  
“Work, he was the masseuse on set this summer. What about you and Anya?”  
“We met in July. Blake’s Brewery catered her firm’s summer party.”  
“Cool, so Brewery is doing well?”  
“Yeah, I’m opening a new location downtown.” He takes Anya’s hand in his. “Just a few blocks from my girl’s office.”  
“It certainly makes lunch dates more convenient.” Anya adds.  
“When did you start taking breaks?” Lincoln asks partially joking.  
“Since she’s met Bell.”  
“What can I say, food is the way to a woman’s heart.”  
“That’s great Bell. I’m so happy for you.” Octavia seemed to approve of Anya, and maybe it’s because she was more concerned of how he would react to her news which she decided could wait until Thanksgiving to avoid announcing it twice. Regardless, everyone seemed to be ok with how the evening turned out. 

Lexa got to see another side of Clarke, an almost maternal one, through her interactions with O who truly looked up to Clarke and saw her as a mentor of sorts, as both have had careers as freelance writers. Conversely, Clarke learned so much about Lexa from Lincoln and Anya’s stories. She was surprised to know that Lexa lived in China for 2 years where she learned and practiced natural healing methods. Lexa revealed in her conversations with O that she has traveled extensively through India, southeast Asia, South America, and Europe. At one point Lexa was bouncing back and forth between Bell, Rae and Linc’s conversations about sports, movies and beer and Luna, Anya, Clarke and O’s discussion of their favorite books and music. It didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke who was in awe of her fake girlfriend. She was anxious to know more and welcomed her friends’ departure. 

“It’s almost midnight.”  
“Are you going to turn into a ware wolf or something?”  
“Only on full moons.” Clarke smiles thinking that she would want to see that. She wants her to stay but doesn’t want to cross the line.  
“Do you want some water?”  
“Sure, um let me help you with the dishes.”  
“No, it’s fine. Really, you did the dinner plates already. Please just relax.” She goes to the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water. “Do you have an early class?”  
“No, not until noon.”  
“Perfect.” They sit comfortably on the couch as if it was what they always did after having their friends over. “So, why didn’t you tell me that you lived in China for 2 years?”  
“I don’t know, it’s not something that usually comes up.”  
“I learned a lot about you tonight.”  
“Like what, beautiful?”  
“Like, you are quite the reader.”  
“Are you surprised?”  
“A little bit. We never talked about it.“  
“We’ve only been around each other a few days.”  
“I guess, it’s something that comes up with me. Specially, if someone knows my profession.”  
“Do people use it as a way to impress you?”  
“I guess I never thought about it before, but maybe.”  
“And see how far they got.” Clarke thought about it and realized she was right. They always seemed like they were trying to impress her or out intellectualize her. They often couldn’t keep up or ended up being too pretentious. “What was your first impression of me? Jock? Hipster? ”  
“Um, maybe? Is that bad? I mean- It’s just-“  
“For someone who gets paid for her words you sure do mumble a lot.” She gets a playful nudge. “It’s ok, I have that effect on women.”  
“There’s the narcissist that I know and- lo-athe.” They fake struggle and Lexa tickles her until the blonde falls naturally into the brunette’s arms, neither choosing to move as they catch their breathes. 

“So, what’s the full story with Lincoln? I don’t really know much about your family.” Much to Clarke’s surprise, Lexa didn’t seem uncomfortable with the question.  
“He was my brother’s best friend. The three of us grew up together.”  
“I didn’t know you had a brother.”  
“Marcus passed when he was 22.” Clarke was floored and felt horrible for asking.  
“Oh, god, Lex. I’m so sorry. I had no I idea.”  
“It’s ok Clarke.”  
“You don’t have to talk about it, I mean, I just-”  
“I don’t mind telling you.” She had Clarke’s full attention. “When I was twenty, I lost my parents and Marcus in a car accident. It was really bad road conditions, and a truck swerved into their lane.” She pauses to compose herself and Clarke doesn’t interrupt. “They were on their way to one of my games.”  
“Lex-” It broke Clarke’s heart to hear, she had no words so she reaches for her hand. Somehow it was enough for Lexa.  
“It was a long time ago. Anya and Linc helped me get through it.” It all came together for Clarke and she had a new understanding of the psyche of Lexa Woods.  
“You are an incredible woman, Lexa.”  
“I’m very fortunate. I couldn’t have survived without my people.”  
“That’s what matters, people and sutra.”  
“Yeah, something like that.”  
“Thank you for sharing with me.”  
“I’m glad I did.” 

Clarke hugs her and Lexa doesn’t let her go, instead she holds her close and the blonde welcomes it. So they stay that way talking and learning about one another’s history, pet peeves, tattoos all the intimate secrets that lovers share. They hold each other, Lexa caressing her thighs and Clarke gliding her fingertips along her fore arm evoking goosebumps in both. They eventually fall asleep. Lexa was in heaven and Clarke was in purgatory.


	5. Entangled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be new to this, but I do have manners.  
> Thank you for the kudos and comments!!!!!  
> I hope you'll stay with me through this journey:-)

Lexa woke up to find Clarke nuzzled up on her chest with her hand under the yogi's shirt and their legs entwined. Lexa’s arm, now numb, coiled around the blonde's back down to her waist. Lexa smiled gently enjoying the moment of feeling Clarke her as their bodies kept each other warm. She was grateful for her internal clock of waking at 5:30 every morning so she could be present for this. She gently slides a golden lock behind the sleeping woman's ear earning an adorable scrunching of the nose. Then her phone vibrates on the coffee table and the perks of owning her own studio reared its ugly head. She curses herself and Clarke starts to rumble and mumble incoherently, pulling Lexa closer. 

“What's that?” The brunette soothes her by rubbing her back.  
“My phone. Go back to sleep.” Lexa reaches for her phone using 'the force' to reach it so as to stay cuddled with the needy blonde in her arms. She looks at the message it was from Indra, her partner in crime.

Indra: Morning, Lex. Echo's still sick. I can't find a sub.  
Indra: Should I cancel the class?  
She replies and sighs deeply.  
Lexa: How many people are signed up?  
Indra: So far, nine.  
Lexa: No, I'll come in. I'll be a little late.  
Indra: Got it.

She kisses Clarke's forehead and feels her smile into her collarbone but then the blonde musters up a soft grumble as she feels Lexa start to gently move from her grasp.  
“Hey beautiful, I have to go.”  
“Where?”  
“To work, go back to sleep Clarke. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“Ok, Lex.” She squeezes her hand. And with that she ends the torture of leaving sleepy, sweet, morning Clarke and walks out quietly as the blonde lays on the couch alone entangled in her feelings that she needed so badly to sort out. But at that moment, she allowed herself to sleep.

 

“This is quite the event, Luna. Everything looks great!”  
“You think so? I worked my ass off.”  
“It’s exquisite.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Thank you for the invite.”  
“It was nice of your fake girlfriend to let me have you for the night.”  
“Ha, yeah it’s good that we get a break before tomorrow.”  
“How’s it going with her?”  
“Good, um we get along.”  
“You know, I’m here if you need to talk.” The curly haired woman doesn’t pry further, opening the door but not pushing her through.  
“Thanks Luna. You know I would come to you first.”  
“Personally knowing your options, I’m not that flattered.” They both laugh. The evening draws on and Luna still hasn’t seen or met Costia and they’ve mingled with a few critics from local press but Clarke wants to talk to the big guns and she’s been eying them all night. 

“Ok, so I need to make my move. Whoever they’re talking to can’t be that interesting.”  
“I can’t even see who it is.” Then the right bodies parted and the two women realized who it was. “What the fuck? Is that-?”  
“My girlfriend.” She was utterly confused and beyond surprised. This has been happening a lot with her lately. Nevertheless, her presence evokes the usual butterflies and Clarke was undeniably excited to see her.  
“You’re FAKE girlfriend. What is she doing here?”  
“I don’t know, I think I’d like to find out.” She takes a sip of her martini and heads over to her direction. Luna watches from the distance. Clarke in her classy black cocktail dress and heels struts over with confidence to hide her nerves after their night together. 

Lexa was wearing a tight black dress that hugged her body so perfectly with one long sleeve revealing her tattoo on her exposed right arm. Her hair was in a low bun with her dark locks loosely falling down the side of her face. The crowd seem to clear the way to her, but Lexa still hasn’t noticed her. Then, just as a man in a suit was excusing himself, allowing the perfect window, a tall, gorgeous, blonde woman steps in and kisses her on the lips and cups her face in her hands. Then brings her into her embrace. Clarke stopped dead in her tracks as she watches Lexa run her hands down to the woman’s waist. At that moment she looks up and sees Clarke, in shock, vulnerable and hurt. Lexa’s eyes grow wide. She pulls away from the woman’s hold. Clarke tries her best to keep it together but all she could feel was her stomach tied up in knots, heat rushing through her upper body and her lungs constricting. She was literally having a panic attack. All she wanted to do was run away but she was paralyzed. Luna was caught up with a group of people and Clarke was all alone. 

“Clarke, hey, what are you doing here?” she feels awful that she had to see her right at that moment.  
“Hi, I’m here with Luna.” She manages to enunciate to maintain a fraction of her dignity.  
“Oh, right, of course.” Lexa wishes she would have put it all together sooner to avoid this encounter.  
“Who’s your friend, cara?” The tall woman asks standing in a way that was meant to impose her presence, her claim on Lexa.  
“Oh, sorry, this is Costia.” To make it worse, Clarke realizes that she was the artist and that this entire event was for Lexa.  
“You’re Costia, the artist?.”  
“I am. A pleasure. Forgive me, I didn’t catch your name?” She puts out her hand and Clarke accepts it was in awe of the elegant beauty, thick Italian accent and exceptional talent but also threatened by what she knows or rather, what she assumes to know about her and Lexa.  
“It’s Clarke. How do you two know each other?”  
“Costia’s an old friend.”  
“We were more than that, cara.” Clarke feels the muscles in her shoulders and chest tighten. “Lexa and I were lovers for a few years.”  
“Oh.” Clarke was slightly amused but mostly devestated that she had to emphasize that they were lovers.  
“We gave it a good go, but the timing was off.” The shorter woman felt so insignificant and incompetent. “But I don’t know, here we all are together, maybe the stars are realigning.” She looks longingly at Lexa who read where the situation was going and took control.  
“Excuse me, Costia, can you give us a minute?” The artist looks at Clarke almost feeling guilty and nods.  
“Of course, I have some mingling to catch up on.” She kisses her cheek. “I will see you later. A pleasure.” She turns to Clarke once more and the shorter woman forces a smile.  
“Clarke, come on let’s get some air.” They walk outside.

“I don’t know what’s happening.” She starts to hyperventilate.  
“Hey it’s ok. I’m here. You’re safe. Take deep breathes.” She modeled for her to calm the blonde’s breathing.  
“I feel so ridiculous.” She puts her face in her hands. This is so embarrassing. I’m such an idiot.”  
“Clarke, look at me. you’re not an idiot. It took you by surprise, it’s ok.”  
“It shouldn’t matter, I shouldn’t care.”  
“But it’s ok to feel, Clarke. Regardless of our situation, I care about you and it’s ok that you care about me.” Clarke wondered how she always knows what to say to put her at ease.  
“I’m sorry. I just- when I saw you with her, and I-“  
“You don’t need to apologize or explain. Come here.” She brings her into her close and Clarke was home. She fell deeper into her than she expected holding on tight, relieved to be in her arms forgetting momentarily about Costia and her insecurities. She was safe and whole with Lexa, her FAKE girlfriend she’s known for a few weeks.

Costia sees them from her exhibit and realizes that she’s too late, that Lexa was no longer hers.  
“Do you want me to take you home?” All Clarke could think was that Costia came here for her, that Lexa’s the reason for all of this.  
“No, stay, this is your night off. She did all this for you. I’ll get an uber.”  
“You know it’s never been an obligation for me, Clarke. And if you wait another 10 minutes I’d like to drive you home.” Clarke doesn’t say no still completely confused as to why she would leave Costia. Lexa takes it as a yes.  
“Ok, I'll be right back.” Before the blonde can muster up an objection Lexa goes to find her ex.

“Costia.” The artist could hear the guilt in her voice. She knew what was coming next.  
“Is everything ok, bella?”  
“Something’s come up I have to go.” The artist looks in the direction of Clarke.  
“I see. Well, you can’t say I didn’t try.”  
“I know you did. I’m sorry.”  
“Never apologize for love, bella. I had my chance.” She kisses her on the cheek knowing it would be her last. “Are you sure you have to go?”  
“I’m sure. Take care of yourself. You are an extraordinary woman, Costia.”  
“So are you, Lex.”  
“One last thing. You should meet the woman that made this evening happen.” She walks her to Luna and with that Lexa makes her exit. She finds her way back to Clarke who was waiting outside. She takes a moment to appreciate the blonde in her glory with the lights perfectly lit around her. 

“Ready, beautiful?” She takes her hand in hers and she opens her door for her. They drive to Lexa’s place to pick up her stuff for the weekend before going to Clarke’s. Lexa lived in the historic neighborhood in an old house that seemed to reflect her essence, it had character and a great outdoor space. It was cozy yet modern. Clarke then realized that was surrounded by books, music and art.  
“You have a nice home, Lex.”  
“Thanks. It’s small, but it’s mine. You ready?” She nods and they head to hers. 

They go through the motions of getting ready for bed quietly. No explanations were necessary, Lexa seemed to read exactly what Clarke was thinking. She brews a tea and has it ready for Clarke. She waits for her on the couch with one of Clarke’s books after she changed into her pajamas. Clarke takes in the scene before her and decides that she likes seeing Lexa on her couch silently reading in the dim lit room. She walks towards her. 

“Hey, here I made you some tea, it’s still hot.” She hands it to her carefully.  
“Thank you. What are you reading?” She holds it up to her.  
“I bought it the other day for the weekend.”  
“I could have leant you a copy.”  
“I wanted to support you, Clarke.” No one except for her parents and actual readers ever bought her books. Certainly none of her exes, which would have made sense since they were intellectuals in the field.  
“That’s nice of you. But in the future, you know, it won’t make or break my career.”  
“I’ll keep that in mind.” They settle into the couch silently sipping their tea. Lexa not at all pushing her to talk. But Clarke has to, it’s been eating at her all night.

“Is it ok if we talk about what happened?”  
“Of course.”  
“Do you have anything to say?”  
“Um, I think you should start. I prefer conversation to monologue.”  
“Ok, fair enough. So, I want to assure you that I am aware that our arrangement is just that, an ‘arrangement’. I know we aren’t really in a relationship and I that there is no excuse for my behavior this evening. So, I want to apologize and I hope we can continue, because I consider you a good friend.” Lexa lets her words settle for a moment making sure she interprets her inflection, tone and delivery correctly. Is Clarke pushing her away or simply setting boundaries for their murky ‘arrangement’ as she refers to it.  
“I’ve never been a fake girlfriend so I don’t really know what to expect. I do know that regardless of that, I care about you, Clake. And I don’t think that there is anything wrong with that. It’s totally normal to feel how you did this evening and it doesn’t have to be related to you confusing ‘this’.” She motions to the space between them.  
“What are you saying? That something else triggered my panic attack?”  
“Possibly, have you had bad experiences regarding deception with your friends or love interests?” Clarke isn’t convinced. Of course she has, hasn’t everybody?  
“Haven't we all?"  
"I don't think that's the case."  
"Well, I walked in on my Ex-fiancé screwing his TA.”  
“Oh, my God, Clarke. I’m so sorry.” She puts her hand on her lap and it comforts Clarke.  
“It’s ok, it was three years ago.”  
“It’s still traumatic. I imagine that you felt similar feelings of betrayal and hurt this evening.”  
“I guess, but-“ She plays back the event and realizes that it did have a lot to do with that. Also, it was a similar paralyzing and nauseating feeling that she felt when she caught Finn in his office with his student and when Costia first embraced Lexa. All her insecurities and her inferiority complex she had when she was with Finn came rushing back to her when she realized who Costia was. Maybe that’s why she’s been so closed off, not allowing anyone in for the past few years. 

“There’s no time line for the healing process. You can be over a person and accept the situation but the experience can remain with you indefinitely”  
“How do you know all this?”  
“I work with a lot of trauma patients. Yoga and meditation is one natural way to heal and face the pain so that it’s manageable on a day to day basis.” Learning something new about Lexa made her smile.  
“How do you do it?”  
“Patiently? Not always gracefully?”  
“Humbly.”  
“I get just as much out of it as my students.”  
“You're so good, Lex. God, and I do care about you, very much. When I think about our situation, I think that we need to stop.” She pauses but Lexa patiently waits for her to finish. “Then all reason leaves me and here we are.”  
“I know we have an arrangement, I know you are moving to Paris. But, it doesn't make this any less real.”  
“Lexa, I-“  
“You don’t have to say or do anything. Let’s get through the weekend and enjoy our time together. I won’t abandon you.”

She pulls her in and holds her close. They spend the next few hours holding each other and talking about everything and nothing. Neither had this level of comfort with anyone else before, like they’ve known each other their whole lives. 

“My family hasn’t been impressed with my exes”  
“Oh no? That bad eh?”  
“Not bad, just not good enough.”  
“Hmmm. Were they right?”  
“Um, I guess so, although I was the one who never felt like I was enough.”  
“I don’t know how much better you can get. You’re a doctor! You’re a published writer and you speak like 5 languages.“  
“I read 6 languages, I speak 4.”  
“I’m just saying, you’re pretty impressive.”  
“Doesn’t seem to matter, they always left me in the end. Finn, left me for his TA and Wells for a 'real' doctor.”  
“Your exes sound like total ass hats.” Lexa earns a chuckle from the blonde. “I think your family was right.”  
“Maybe. They mean well.”  
“I’m so pumped to meet them.”  
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you. There’s no backing out now, it’s all written up on our contract.”  
“Yes, of course, beautiful. How could I forget the contract that my cousin drew up on a napkin while clearly inebriated.”  
“We have witnesses.”

Clarke makes her way to bed. Lexa assumes she’ll sleep on the couch.  
“The bed is much more comfortable.”  
“Are you sure? I don’t mind.”  
“Lexa, I want you to.”  
She concedes and follows. Clarke curls into her embrace, Lexa’s warmth made her feel safe. Lexa didn’t ask questions or expect anything. She just wanted to be present in the moment their hearts and bodies entangled.


	6. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments. They bring me warmth on these cold winter nights.

“Ready for this?”  
“Whenever you are, beautiful.”  
“How are you always so calm?”  
“I’m a yogi.” She takes her hand in hers and warms them to relax her. She kisses them and pulls her close. “Breathe, Clarke. This is your family, they love you and it’ll be so much fun.” Clarke looks deep into her eyes and immediately relaxes, all she wants is to kiss her right there, right at that moment, but the door opens and her parents come out to receive them. “Here we go, beautiful.”

“Princess!”  
“Dad!” He gives her a tender hug that Clarke gives right back. He seems thrilled to see both women. The handsome man in his sixties with slightly scruffy medium length peppery grey hair and the bluest eyes turns to the brunette.  
“You must be Lexa.” Clarke has his eyes and definitely his smile.  
“Hi Mr. Griffin, Happy Thanksgiving.” She offers her hand and he pulls her in for a hug that doesn’t entirely crush her. Lexa feels his playful energy and basks in his wholesome welcome.  
“Happy Thanksgiving. Call me Jake.”  
“Hi mom!” She hugs her mother. Lexa didn’t see the intimidating, reserved woman that Clarke described.  
“Clarke! So good to see you.” Abby was a natural beauty a bit taller than Lexa, elegant, composed but warm.  
“You too. Mom, this is Lexa.”  
“We are so happy to have you here, you can call me Abby.” She immediately gets a good vibe from Lexa, which never happens. It took her months to warm up to her brothers’ wives and a few weeks to Luna when Rae first brought her around. She certainly never cared for Finn and never connected with Wells. Abby was the matriarch and didn’t allow just anyone into her circle. She hugs Lexa and the brunette requites the affection.  
“Thank you, Abby. I’m glad to be here.” Clarke can’t believe how well it was going already.  
“Come, everyone is inside. They can’t wait to see you.” 

Lexa meets her brothers and was happy to find that they were all huggers. Clarke smirks knowing that Lexa was loving it. Then she goes to the kitchen and meets Clarke’s Gammy who surprise, surprise, loves Lexa right off the bat. Clarke couldn’t understand, maybe it was her yogi energy.  
“Gammy this is Lexa.”  
“Let me take a look at you doll. You are beautiful, come here.” With that Lexa was pulled into the sweetest hug of the afternoon.  
“Aww, thank you. So are you.”  
“Clarke, you’re not feeding her enough. You need to cook her good homemade meals.”  
“I do Gammy. She has a high metabolism.” She winks at Lexa who is totally infatuated by her grandmother.  
“Don’t worry doll, we'll take care of you.”  
“Clarke always talks about your cooking. The other day she made my favorite sauce that she learned from you.”  
“Oh yes, doll, she’s an instinctual cook, just like me. Although, I think it skipped a generation. We don’t let her father near the kitchen.” Lexa lets out a guffaw.  
“So I lucked out, huh?”  
“You sure did.” 

The kids come running into the kitchen. “Gammy It smells so good!” The twins say. “Hi Clarke.”  
“Hey you two, you’re never going to be too old to hug me you know.” She says pulling the reluctant adolescents into her grasp.  
“We know, we know.” Then the younger ones come screaming Clarke’s name.  
“Little people!”  
“Clarke!” She embraces them. She picks up the smallest at 6 and the 8 year old hangs off of her leg. Lexa sees them and is touched by how relaxed and playful Clarke was with her nephews and nieces.  
“Guys, come meet Lexa.”  
“Hi.” The 14 year old twins, Mike and Curt give her a hug. Then Abby, 12 going on 30 kisses Clarke on the cheek.  
“Hey, are you Clarke’s girlfriend?” Abby asks nonchalantly as she is more mature than most of the adults in the family.  
“Um, yeah.”  
“Cool. You like chess?”  
“I do.”  
“If you want, you can play winner of Rae and I’s game.”  
“Yeah? I’m a bit rusty.”  
“I’ll go easy on you.”  
“Deal.” With that she grabs a juice and heads to the other room with the other adults.  
“I like her.” Lexa says to Clarke.  
“She’s usually not that friendly. You’re like the Griffin Whisperer.” Her Gams smiles listening to everything going on behind her back. The blonde walks over to her with extroverted Zoey hanging off of her leg and the youngest, shiest, soft spoken Luke at 6 in her arms.  
“Zoey, Luke, this is Lexa.”  
“Hi guys”  
“You’re pretty.” Zoey giggles.  
“Thank you, so are you, cutie.” Zoey hugs her then immediately runs away screaming. Abby walks in.  
“What was that about?”  
“Lexa has that effect on women.” Clarke replies. Abby smiles pleased to see her daughter’s sense of humor surface.  
“Is that right?” Her mother asks.  
“I guess that wouldn’t be the first time that it’s happened.” Lexa agrees.  
“Well, you seem to be doing fine with our little guy.” Abby remarks gesturing to Luke who was enamored with Lexa holding on so comfortably in her arms. Clarke delighted in the spectacle of the Griffin Whisperer. She snaps out of it when her mom catches the twins picking at the stuffing giggling, not even trying to be discrete. 

“Twins out of the kitchen!” Abby commands.  
“But we’re so hungry!”  
“There are snacks in the other room. Out!” She repeats. They forget about their appetite when Jake comes in and announces the annual football game.  
“Rae is here! Everyone be in the backyard for the coin toss in 15! Lexa, you come with me.” Lexa who was still carrying Luke, looks at Clarke for direction.  
“It’s game time, stud.” Lexa nods, Rae had mentioned it more than once in the past week.  
“Here, Lex, I’ll take her.” Abby says reaching for her grandson but Luke refuses to let go. And Clarke is taken aback by Abby’s comfort level of abbreviating the brunette’s name.  
“Can I go with you?” He asks Lexa sweetly who looks to Abby for approval and gets a smile.  
“Um, sure, bud. Why not?” So, they follow Jake out. 

“Princess, where’s your hot girlfriend?”  
“She’s outside with dad and the kids.” Brian answers as he stretches.  
“See, I’m not the only one who thinks she’s hot.” She says to Clarke.  
“We all have eyes, Rae.” Paul responds. “We better get out there, Pops doesn’t like starting late.” The oldest says tying his shoes.  
“Gams are you sure you don’t need any help?” Clarke asks.  
“No, no, you can’t miss the game. Go with Lexa.” She kisses her cheek. “Honey, it warms my heart to see you so, happy.”  
“Thanks, Gams. Am I usually not?”  
“Not like this.”  
“She’s special, Clarke.” Abby says.  
“Mom, we just got here. You barely even talked to her.”  
“You’re forgetting, dear.” Her Gammy interrupts.  
“What’s that, Gams?”  
“Your mother is always right.” Clarke’s hair rises up her arms and neck as the three women watch Lexa with her family. The yogi was holding up her end of the bargain. Griffin whisperer indeed.  
“Yeah, she is.”

Lexa was on Jake’s team with Brian, his wife Carrie, and Mike, while Clarke was with Paul, Curt, Abby and Rae.  
“Princess, can we get some effort from you?” Rae nagged.  
“Whatever, who scored the last touchdown?”  
“Your girl let you have that.” Paul said, “Meanwhile she’s been left wide open for past 3 passes.”  
“They’ve been running the same play, Clarke.” Abby adds.  
“If we lose princess, we have to deal with Jake’s gloating all weekend. Get it together!”  
“Ok, ok, geez.” Clarke responds with her infamous eye roll. Rae and Jake have been at it for the past 15 years with their fierce competitive spirit and love for the game. Clarke has always just enjoyed the exercise before the hours that will be spent eating Gammy’s delicious meal. Needless to say, she tends to be the weak link. They line up as Clarke and Lexa face each other.  
“How are you holding up, beautiful?”  
“I’m locking you down.”  
“I like this side of you.”  
“You’re not going to like it so much when you’re eating grass.”  
“Bring it on, Griffin.”  
“Lexa, ready?! Hut, hut, hike!” Lexa runs the play but Clarke surprisingly stays with her. Jake is feeling the pressure from Rae. Finally, Lexa has a tiny window and calls for it so Jake sends it off and Lexa like a beautiful gazelle springs up and forward to catch the leading hail Mary pass with Clarke breathing down her back. She catches it and somehow barely lands on her feet as Clarke tackles her right into the goal line. Lexa opens her eyes to see Clarke in all of her blonde glory on top of her. They are both breathing hard looking into each other’s eyes.  
“Hey, beautiful. Nice defense.” Clarke smiles.  
“I told you, I was locking you down.”  
“I am totally fine with that.” Just then Brian dives to recover the fumbled ball and Paul and Rae tackle him for it.

Luna and the rest are watching the whole thing from the porch.  
“I swear someone is going to get hurt.” Lisa complains as her husband and sons pile on top of Brian. Abby and Gams laugh being used to this behavior.  
“I’ve haven’t seen Clarke play like this in years.” Gammy says.  
“Maybe she’s trying to impress Lexa.” Lisa suggests and Luna cracks up.  
“Ha!”  
“What’s so funny?”  
“Just the idea of Clarke playing sports to impress someone is hilarious to me.” Abby agrees and soon everyone joins her in laughter.  
“So, what do you think of Lex, Luna? You’re around them a lot.” Abby asks.  
“We love her, and they definitely have something.” She smiles to herself careful not to reveal too much. 

Lexa is slow to get up. “Should we call a pass interference?” Jake asks in all seriousness?  
“No, it was a clean tackle. I should have held on to the ball.”  
“Wow, Princess, haven’t seen this kind of effort in a long time.” Rae says high fiving.  
“Yeah, too bad we still got the touchdown.” Brian gloats and the puts his arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “That was an awesome dive. I thought you had it!”  
“I did too, it was a great pass, Jake.”  
“Team effort! Rae, this means you owe us a round next time we’re in the city!”  
“Yeah, yeah.” They laugh and talk shit all the way back to the house where the ladies and Luke were drinking and carrying on around the fire.  
“Are you ok?”  
“I think you bruised my ribs.”  
“Oh please. You’re fine.” She feels her ribs and runs her fingers along her toned abs.  
“Ouch, take it easy.” She takes her hand and instinctively moves it to her waist so that they are facing each other. Clarke doesn’t back away and at that moment forgets the outside world. “I’m impressed with that tackle, beautiful.”  
“You like it rough huh?”  
“Rough, soft I’ll take what I can get from you.” With that, Clarke surprises both Lexa and herself by leaning in for the kiss that has been stolen from them by their friends and her logic for the past week. Lexa eases into her lips once she got past the shock. They gently danced around one another’s soft slightly swollen lips that have been anticipating the connection from the first night they laid eyes on each other. Lexa takes control in the end holding on and running her tongue along her bottom lip and lightly sucking before breaking for air. They smile and look at each other enjoying the moment. 

The family looks on with genuine fondness. Raven and Luna look at each other with raised eye brows followed by Rae immediately texting Bell.  
“Hey Princess, there are kids watching. Keep it PG!” Clarke rolls her eyes and Lexa smiles. They walk holding hands.  
“Lexa come sit down.” Gammy motions her over and the yogi nods but Clarke doesn’t let her go immediately.  
“What do you want to drink?”  
“A scotch neat.”  
“You studied my notes, that’s Jake’s drink.”  
“I did, but I'll have you know, I’ve been drinking scotch long before I met you.”  
“Go keep my seat warm.” Lexa does as she’s told as she chats with Gammy and the others. Luna and Rae are inside waiting to interrogate the blonde.

“So, princess. Care to explain?”  
“What?”  
“Uh huh. You know what. You sucking face with hottie.”  
“Oh please, it’s part of the act. We’re playing roles.”  
“Ok, well you just let us know when you’re ready to admit that there is something going on between you two.”  
“The heart eyes are adorable.” Luna says. “You don't need to say anything, we can read between the lines.”  
“Good to know we’re doing a good job of selling our story.” She heads out followed by the couple. She sees Lexa so naturally getting along with her family. She wanted to take in the perfect scene. Moments are all they have. Lexa sees her and winks and Clarke is weak at the knees. Somehow, she manages to stay on her feet. She hands Lexa her drink.  
“Here you go Lex.”  
“Thanks, beautiful.” She puts her arms around Clarke who sinks into her touch.  
“How’s the bruised ribs?”  
“I’ll survive. Totally worth it.” Clarke smiles as they listen to Gam’s stories.


	7. Morning Run

Lexa wakes at dawn. She hates to leave Clarke’s warm body against hers as her little spoon with their fingers interlaced on the blonde’s belly. She doesn’t want to wake her so she quietly sneaks out leaving a soft peck on her temple. This was all very real and she needs to run to make sure that she keeps everything in perspective. Especially with the delicate situation she finds herself in. Luckily, Clarke doesn’t fight her with the alcohol/tryptophan induced deep sleep she was in. Hours of drinking and eating at the dinner table was thoroughly enjoyed by the entire family who eventually entered a food coma around eleven.

Lexa dresses in her running clothes and sneaks out to stretch on the porch overlooking the mountains. She absolutely loved the mornings, so quiet, peaceful and beautiful. It always seemed new and untouched like it was her first day on the planet, every day. She came to this realization 10 years ago in her time in southeast Asia where she spent a year traveling and learning to meditate with Buddhist monks. She occupied her time with silence, menial tasks and reflection on healing from her trauma. She went from losing everyone and everything that mattered to her, to reckless years of attempting to numb the pain, to detoxing her mind and body with the help of Lincoln who saved her life more than once, and Anya who has kept her on track since her intervention. It's been a long painful journey back to herself, but she’s since been able to maintain a serious relationship, start her own business, build a community, cultivate meaningful friendships while maintaining her discipline. 

“I love the mornings.” Lexa was startled by Abby opening the door to join her in a stretch fully dressed for a run.  
“Good morning, Abby.”  
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?  
“Yes, I did. I’m just a morning person.”  
“You’re like me. Jake and Clarke have never been early risers.”  
“It makes it challenging to get out of bed.” Abby smiles sensing the love that Lexa has for her daughter.  
“I know what you mean. Do you mind if I join you?”  
“I would love it.” 

She was glad to have one on one time with Lexa. Clarke’s exes kept their interactions with the family at the minimum and conversations one sided with Wells never responding, only pretending to listen and Finn talking incessantly always waiting for his turn to speak. Abby was thrilled that the brunette was an aware individual.

Abby takes her on her usual route up the mountain. Lexa was amazed of her stamina in her sixties. They run in silence but it was not at all awkward as it is in both of their nature. When they summit Lexa takes in the view of where Clarke grew up in a town tucked into the mountains, surrounded by beauty and peace. This is the spirit that still exists in her and that Lexa has sensed. She had the privilege to know this side of the blonde even if only for sporadic instances and she was grateful. 

“Clarke and her brothers used to run with me and Jake when they were little.”  
“She mentioned your family adventures.”  
“We always wanted them to appreciate nature, it has this power to trigger self-reflection and truly make you aware of your place on this earth. I guess we wanted them to feel that, like we do.”  
“You did a great job, with your kids, Abby.”  
“Well, we were lucky, they are all good natured. Although, we worried about Clarke.” Lexa noticed the past tense as in not anymore.  
“How so?”  
“She lost that piece of her after college. Of course, we expected her to go off on her own and we knew she would be successful, but every time we saw her she was less and less, well, Clarke. Of course, she was still our daughter and we never stopped loving her but she seemed to neglect parts of herself that make her who she is.”  
“That must have been difficult to watch. What did you do?”  
“Nothing, we let her evolve into whoever she thought she was. We don’t want to push her away. It’s her journey and as parents this is something we worked very hard on, letting our kids grow.”  
“That can’t be easy.”  
“It’s not. You’ll understand when you have your own.” Lexa blushes. “I can tell you are a natural. You’ll be a great mother Lexa.” Lexa is touched no one has ever said that to her. She was moved by this woman’s emotional awareness and maternal instinct.  
“Thank you, Abby. I hope you’re right.”  
“Sweetheart, didn’t my daughter tell you?”  
“What’s that?”  
“I’m always right.” She pulls Lexa in for a hug and it brought the yogi to tears to connect with such a strong, wise woman, a maternal figure that evoked memories of her own mother who, looking back, she took for granted and with whom she was never able to develop as strong of a bond. 

Her relationship was stronger with her father and brother with basketball as the focus of their life. Anya and her mother were closer and it was always different with Lexa, not any less, just different. Lexa’s mom served as the maternal figure for her niece who she adopted at age 13 after her mother went to jail for drugs and relinquished responsibilities of her child. The closest thing Lexa has had to a mother daughter relationship since was with Indra, her business partner and dear friend who saw greatness in Lexa from their first meeting five years ago. The yogi was grateful for Abby's confidence in her and kind words. Abby rubs her back to comfort her, feeling her emotions heavy in her chest.

“Thank you, Lexa.”  
“For what?” She asks wiping her tears.  
“For bringing my daughter back.” She says as she starts her descent.  
“Abby , I-” She wanted to tell the truth because the idea of lying to these wonderful humans made Lexa sick to her stomach. The older woman turns around.  
“What was that, Lex?”  
“Nothing, right behind you.” 

They head back to the house with Jake, Rae, Luna and Clarke sitting at the island drinking coffee assisting Gammy with breakfast while her brothers’ families were watching TV with the kids in the other room.  
“Good morning” Abby says to her grandchildren. They give her a hug but all return their attention to the TV. Lexa walks in behind her and Luke runs to her.  
“Hi Lex.”  
“Hey, buddy.”  
“Someone has a fan.” Brian observes.  
“It’s mutual.” She carries him into the kitchen and Clarke comes to life at seeing her fake girlfriend in her running tights and rosy cheeks from the cold. Abby kisses Rae and Luna then Jake. Clarke walks to Lexa.  
“Good morning.” It takes everything not to kiss her but she knows Rae and Luna are watching closely so she settles for a tender touch and rubs her tricep. “I’ll trade you.” She hands her a mug and Clarke takes Luke.  
“Thanks, beautiful, you didn’t have to do that.” She got her black tea order perfect with a touch of honey.  
“I wanted to.”  
“So, hottie. You ready for day two?”  
“Does it get any better than our run?” She looks to Abby .  
“Trust me, with this family, brace yourself.” She winks. Clarke notices that they’ve bonded.  
“I’m going to shower, then I’ll answer your question.” Lexa responds to Raven. 

“Rae, why do you call Lex, hottie?” The adults giggle at the adorable Luke.  
“Yes, dear, care to explain?” Luna asks jokingly. The outspoken woman has nothing so Clarke saves the day.  
“It’s a nickname, like when everyone calls me Princess.”  
“Because you’re pretty like a princess?” He asks really trying to understand.  
“Sure, that’s it.” Rae says mocking the blonde.  
“Why is Lex so hot? Is she sick?” Even Gammy couldn’t stop from chuckling.  
“No, sweetie. Hot also means very good looking. Rae thinks that Lex is very good looking.”  
“Oh, like me. I think she’s beautiful.” Clarke’s heart melts. “Do you think she’s beautiful?”  
“Yes, sweetie, I do.”  
“Will you marry her? Like Rae married Luna?” They all looked to Clarke who was looking to Rae and Luna for rescue.  
“I don’t know honey. We’ve only known each other for a few months.”  
“You know, your Gamps proposed to me after our first date.”  
“Please, Gams, don’t stir the pot.”  
“I’m just saying.” Then Jake steps in, curious to see what his daughter was thinking.  
“So, has it come up?”  
“What? Again, a few months, people.” In reality, it’s been one month at most. She glares at Rae and Luna who are enjoying her struggle way too much to help. “Let’s talk about something else.”  
“So, Abby, how was your run?” Luna finally asks taking pity on her friend.


	8. Laughter

At breakfast, they plan their tradition of the drive deep into the mountains to pick the perfect tree for the household. Lexa insists on doing the dishes not allowing Gams or Abby to lift a finger. Clarke wonders if it’s all part of the act or if she really was this perfect. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go? Or, you can just stay here with me.”  
“Clarke, I want to, it’s ok. I like your family. I am having a great time.” Her exes have never said that to her. They were always ready to leave after Thanksgiving dinner leaving Clarke to make excuses.  
“Really?”  
“Really. I don’t do fake, remember?”  
“Thanks, Lex.”  
“Thank you, beautiful. I love your family.”

Everyone is piling into cars. The kids fighting over driving with Raven  
“See you guys over there. Lexa let’s go you’ll ride with me.”  
“Yup.” Clarke takes her arm.  
“Are you sure you can handle Jake alone?” Clarke seemed genuinely concerned.  
“I thought your mom was the hard one?”  
“She is. You’re right. But he’s dad, he’ll ask you Dad like questions. He’s a talker oh and the jokes are horrible.”  
“Good thing I’m a sucker for bad jokes. Go spend time with your mom and Gams. I’ve got Jake.” She naturally pecks her on the lips bringing a smile to both of their faces. With that she gets in the car.  
“Is Clarke worried that I’ll scare you off?”  
“You know your daughter well.”  
“Normally, I would try.” Lexa had a moment of nervousness that he sensed with her swallowing hard. “Relax, Lexa. This isn’t one of those times.” He laughs a burly fatherly laugh. Lexa is relieved and sinks into her comfort zone. 

“So, what do you usually do for Thanksgiving?”  
“My cousin, Anya and I usually have dinner with my friend, Indra and her family.”  
“Anya, that’s Bell’s girlfriend, right?”  
“Yeah, actually, she’s spending the weekend with his family this year.”  
“Wow, Bell is growing up.”  
“I hope not too much. I like his fun-loving spirit, it’s good for Anya.”  
“Playfulness and laughter are the key to a healthy relationship.”  
“I think I agree.”  
“Well, and you know, communication, trust blah, blah, blah.”  
“Right, of course. Should I be taking notes?” And there’s that dad laugh again.  
“I think you’re doing pretty well. You know, I haven’t seen Clarke laugh or joke, like she does with you, in a very long time. You make her happy.”  
“It’s mutual.”

“So, I’m sure she’s told you about our matchmaking schemes.” Lexa chuckles.  
“She might’ve mentioned it.”  
“Here’s a little secret, I’m the mastermind, Gams and Abby just tolerate my behavior.”  
“I see. So, why did you do it?”  
“I wanted her to laugh more, not take life so seriously.” Lexa wasn’t expecting that answer. “After she broke off the engagement with that piece of work, what’s his name, Fig?”  
“I think it’s Finn.”  
“Right, Professor Finn, smug little fellow. Anyways, Clarke went into work mode, and she was already a workaholic before.” Lexa listened intently. “Her work is very isolating and we were all concerned. Bell and Rae had a hard time getting her to come back to the world to live a little, so, I thought it would be good to force the situation onto her.” Lexa follows where he was taking her. “She’s a brilliant, young beautiful woman, she should be sharing that with others.”  
“You’re not wrong.” She says to encourage him to elaborate further.  
“Look, there’s nothing wrong with being single, but that’s not what everyone wants or needs. I know that Clarke wants to share her life with someone. Of course, Abby would never let me say that to her.”  
“Understandable.”  
“My daughter is a very stubborn, over achieving perfectionist who ultimately doesn’t feel that she deserves to be happy.” There it was, Jakes accurate read of his daughter. All the pieces came together at that moment. “The people she’s dated have all reinforced that story for her and it breaks my heart to watch her repeat the same mistakes over and over.”  
“I don’t know how you do it, that would be difficult to just standby.”  
“Her mother is better at it than me. Hence, the blind date shenanigans. But now, I don’t have to worry about her.” Lexa looks to the man who keeps his eyes on the road. “She’s got you and you make her laugh.” The girl doesn’t quite know how to respond. So, she doesn’t. Instead they sit in silence for a while taking in the beauty of the thick tree lined road. 

“Hey, how do you get Kleenex to dance?  
“I don’t know, how?”  
“Put a boogie in it.” Lexa cracks up and roars with laughter. “What’s beethovan’s favorite fruit?”  
“No idea.”  
“Ba-na-na-naaaaa!” The girl’s side starts to cramp.  
“What do you call a fake noodle.” Lexa can only manage to shake her head no. “An im-pasta.” At that point both are struggling to breathe.

The ride back after their rigorous venture into the forest was bit a more subdued. Topics varied from business, travel and sports. Jake invites her to season tickets whenever she wants them. He is impressed with her work and insists on seeing her studio. He expresses his desire to invest and collaborate on philanthropic projects and they throw around non-profit ideas. Lexa can’t believe how generous and wonderful the Griffin’s were. 

“Thanks, Jake. Your interest in my work means a lot to me.”  
“If you weren’t sure, Lexa, I like you.”  
“I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.”  
“You are grounded and humble. I don’t see that often and It goes a long way with me.”  
“Um, thank you.” Lexa is beyond touched.  
"And you laugh at my jokes." He nudges her shoulder playfully and she smiles. What else could she do?

Abby comes out to help them and also to warn them of the unexpected guest for dinner.  
“Ok, boys, careful. Lexa, honey let them do that, they’re used to it.”  
“Easy for you to say, Ma.”  
“I raised such gentlemen.”  
“Uh Abby, is that who I think it is?” Raven asks. They turn to the family room where Clarke the women were sitting and laughing at a handsome gentlemen that Lexa does not recognize from her notes.  
“He’s back.”  
“Well this should be fun.” Lexa is still completely clueless.  
“Care to fill me in?”  
“Don’t worry hottie, Roan’s got nothing on you.” Lexa is confused and was bothered by how Clarke seemed to be fascinated with the man’s presence. “Not ringing a bell?”  
“Not at all.”  
“Roan and Clarke dated in college. He asked her to marry him but she said no, what with having plans for her life and what not. Pretty sure he never got over it. He’s stayed in the friend zone, but we all know he's still pining for her. Of course, Princess is clueless. Anyway, it’s been like 10 yrs and I guess he’s been on a crusade as a doctor beyond borders. Such a martyr.”  
“That's admirable.”  
“Try creepy. We think he did it to impress Clarke.  
"Or he could actually, enjoy his work and find it rewarding."  
"Awww you're idealism is cute, hottie. You decide for yourself."  
"He seems like an interesting charming guy."  
"Yeah, a real prince." Her sarcasm was not subtle. "We, as in the entire family, have never been fond of the guy. He's too... needy, and is a total diva, definitely a diva.”  
“Oh, so he wasn’t invited?”  
“Nope! Just good old twist to our weekend with the Griffins. No worries, hottie, we’ve got your back.” Lexa laughs but could not completely get rid of the petty jealousy that this man was evoking. Why didn’t Clarke mention him? Why is she feeling this way when it’s all just an act for a weekend and when tomorrow they would have to return to reality.


	9. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I'm thrilled to share my interpretation of the kru.  
> Also, I love hearing your thoughts :-)

She stands at the threshold, looking on as the guys and Rae greet Roan, the tall strapping man with long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. He was different from the images she saw of Finn and Wells, he was more rugged and rough around the edges. I guess living in Africa will do that to someone. Clarke motions her to come over and so she does. She mentally preps herself and enters unknown terrain, with a smile of course.  
“Lexa, this is Roan. Roan this is Lexa-”  
“Her girlfriend.” Lexa interrupts and it was obvious to everyone what just happened. _Come on Lexa, you’re better than that. _At that moment, she wasn’t.__  
“Hi, nice to meet you.” He shakes her hand. “Clarke, you didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.” Rae rolls her eyes and whispers to Gammy.  
“Probably because he was talking the whole time.” Gams giggles and hits her for making her almost spit out her wine. “What?”  
“Roan, this is quite the surprise. We haven’t seen you in years.” Jake says, curious to know why he thought it would be appropriate to stop by unannounced.  
“12 years actually. I’m home for the holidays.”  
“When do you leave?” Gammy asks causing Rae to elbow her. “What?” She lifts her shoulders with innocence.  
“Actually, I’ll be around. I’m thinking about starting a private practice in the city so I can be close to family and friends.  
“He has friends?” Gams whispers to Rae who can’t hold her laughter.  
“You know with all the traveling I’ve done, you come to realize what’s really important.” He looks at Clarke who feels uncomfortable with the unwelcomed attention. Raven feigns nausea putting her hand over her mouth. Jake changes the subject to avoid awkwardness.  
“Come take a look at the tree the kids picked out everyone.”

____

They follow him to the living room, the kids are outside playing enjoying the sun’s last moments before dinner. Lexa hangs back to compose herself. Clarke follows her to the kitchen where the brunette pours herself a scotch to relax her nerves enough to be able to face the family again.

“Hey, are you ok?”  
“Yeah. Sorry. That was out of line. I shouldn’t have-“  
“Lex, it’s ok. I was going to say it, but- you kind of beat me to it.” There’s silence. Clarke couldn’t figure out what was wrong. “I’m sorry, it was an awkward and very unexpected situation.”  
“It’s ok, Clarke. I don’t expect to know everything about you. I should have handled it better.”  
“I mean, there’s nothing to say really, I haven’t thought about him for a very long time. That’s why he never came up.” She walks to her and takes her wrist. “Wait, are you… jealous?” she asks slightly amused realizing that the all enlightened one was both literally and metaphorically green in the eye.  
“Maybe a little. You find that amusing?”  
“It’s just, you don’t do petty emotions.”  
“I am human, Clarke.”  
“I’m starting to see that.” She giggles and puts her arms around her waist to draw her closer.  
“Only, you do this to me, beautiful.” How Clarke could draw the yogi out of her self-loathing to being absolutely smitten with the blonde, is beyond her comprehension or control. Lexa knew this would hurt, but at that moment all she wants are those lips.  
“Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.” She leans into her and they kiss gently at first but soon the sweetness turns into a longing of repressed emotions and desire. Hands trailed under clothing as Jake and Abby walk into the kitchen. Lexa sees them and pulls away from Clarke who whines with needy disappointment.

“Jake, Abby. We- were um-“  
“Honey relax, don’t let us interrupt.” Abby assures. Jake walks right up to them. Clarke was not at all uncomfortable and enjoyed how cute Lexa was, acting like a teenager getting caught feeling up their daughter.  
“I see you got started without me he said refilling her glass. I get it, Roan does that to me too.”  
“Dad!” Clarke said giggling and pushing him.  
“Honey, it’s strange that he would come here unannounced.”  
“I hope he isn’t staying for dinner.” Abby states.  
“Ummm, you know he doesn’t have the best relationship with his mom.”  
“Well, it can’t be that bad if he’s serious about moving back” Abby replies.  
“Well, I felt bad, so I might have told him he could stay.”  
“Of course, you did.”Abby chides.  
“Here, Lex, you’re gonna need this.” Jake says tapping her glass. Before she loses Lexa to Jake and Scotch, Clarke takes her away.  
“You guys got her all day” She says pulling her outside to go for a walk forgetting about Roan and leaving her family to do what they do best.

“Mom and Dad are quite taken by you.”  
“I’m taken by them. You have the best family, Clarke.”  
“Figures they would love my fake girlfriend.” There’s a pause, Lexa is very careful of how to continue.  
“That kiss felt pretty real.” The brunette says casually.  
“You know what I mean.” Lexa doesn’t push the issue.  
“I know. Let’s enjoy the evening.” Clarke brings her closer as they walk sensing that Lexa’s patience was starting to diminish. Lexa was human and Clarke was hurting her. Words would get them nowhere so they go in silence.

Clarke wanted to show her that she cared, that it was real to her and so she did not leave her side the rest of the evening. That didn’t stop Roan from his obvious attempts to flirt with Clarke and to one up Lexa, who just was not playing the game as she was too engaged with the family to notice.  
“Well you gotta give it to the guy,” Brian says to Abby. “He won’t give up.”  
“12 years strong.” Says Paul. “Lexa is handling it well. I would have said some things I’d probably regret.”  
“She is certainly handling it better than your father.”  
They return to the table with the pies in time to hear about his idea for his practice, his good deeds and all of the above.  
“That’s great, Roan. Congratulations.” Lexa says. Clarke rubs her thigh and gives her the warmest heart eyes giving her all the confidence in the world. She could slay dragons with Clarke at her side.  
“Well, you know Lexa owns a yoga studio/clinic and café downtown.” Jake introjects. Rae, Luna and Clarke look at her totally surprised.  
“What? You own Sutra?” Rae asks out loud. Lexa swallows unprepared for the attention. Clarke’s removes her hand from her thigh as she reaches for her wine, awaiting her explanation.  
“Yeah, Lex, tell us about it.” The blonde insists.  
“Uhhh…” Was all she could manage not at all prepared for the ambush.  
“We can’t wait to see it.” Abby says coming to her rescue. “Gams you can even take a class. Maybe she can help you with your hip.”  
“We can make a day of it.” Gams suggests.  
“You are welcome anytime, all of you.” Clarke was giving her the -you son of a bitch- head shake. Lexa mouths “what?” silently.

Clarke can’t believe that she had to learn about her life from her parents and friends. Why wouldn’t she disclose pertinent information to her fake girlfriend? She knows her defense would be that she never asked, it never came up or that it’s irrelevant.

“Well, since I’m pretty much family, I get free classes from now on right, hottie?”  
“Anya doesn’t even get free classes.”  
“So, Lexa, where did you get your degree?”  
“I didn’t.”  
“But they mentioned you have a clinic?”  
“It’s a natural clinic, my partner and I are naturopaths.”  
“I see, so you don’t practice medicine and don’t have a degree?”  
“Um, yeah, correct on both counts.” She has no shame, and Clarke admires her confidence. She takes her hand and squeezes it to show her support. Lexa has never felt more alive, Clarke saw who she was and she was no longer judging her. Roan expected her to react differently knowing Clarke’s high standards. He expected judgmental Clarke who rejected him because she had bigger plans for her life. Rae is bored with the conversation and changes the subject to sports.

Roan won’t let it go and finds sports to be beneath him. He looks to Clarke and speaks to her in French as the other side of the table continued the conversation.

 _“Are you, seriously, with someone who didn’t go to college? You deserve better than that.” ___  
“Please stop. You’re being rude to the table.” She doesn’t let go of Lexa’s hand.  
_“You’re a PhD and published author, she’s not good enough.” _Clarke then fights back in French having had enough.__  
_“Stop or I’ll have to ask you to leave.” _  
_“You know what, I give up. Now I understand why your exes left you. All these years I never thought I was good enough for you, but now I see that it’s you. You’re the one with the problem to prefer an uneducated hippie over an accomplished individual who's actually a productive member of society!” _____

_____ _

That was it, it’s one thing to talk shit about Lexa, but hell if she was going to let anyone talk to Clarke that way. Clarke was frozen, shocked that he brought up her past and her insecurities. Lexa is furious but composes herself. In perfect French with a Parisian accent she addresses him.

 _“That's enough. You're being rude to your hosts and you absolutely cannot talk to Clarke that way. This is your chance to apologize and walk away.” _Clarke was shocked more so than the rest. He is taken a back and glares at her. He scoffs disrespectfully.__  
_“You think you belong here? Clarke will never accept you, because she’s too good for you.”  
_“That is one thing we agree on. She is too good for me, and she’s sure as hell too good for you. Now apologize and leave.” ____

_____ _

_____ _

“My French is a bit rusty, but I’m pretty sure that it’s time for you to go, Roan.” Rae says. He turns to Abby and Jake who were not happy with the scene he created.  
“Please, go Roan.” Jake says with a firm voice.  
“It was a just minor misunderstanding.” Roan explains. Clarke speaks up in English, her voice unwavering.  
“You need to leave now.” He looks around the table with faces that agreed with her notion. He sneers at the table and gets up with contempt. He turns to Clarke.  
“You’re making a huge mistake.” He throws his napkin on the table and walks out.  
“What was that all about?” Brian asks.  
“Excuse me.” Clarke says leaving the table.  
“Clarke, wait.” Before Lexa can get up, Rae and Luna were already after her.  
They finish dessert as Lexa does her best to not think about Clarke.


	10. Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the love!  
> I cleaned up all the chapters, hopefully it clarifies any misunderstandings.

…love, even in its humblest beginnings, is a striking example of how little reality means to us.  
-Marcel Proust _Albertine Disparue ___

____

 

“Princess, forget what he said, whatever it was. He’s an asshole!” Clarke doesn’t respond as she continues to pace.  
“Babe, it’s not about him.” Luna says.  
“Oh, good cause he’s so not worth it.”  
“No, but Lexa is.”  
“Oooohhhhh. I see, I think.”  
“I don’t understand what’s happening.” Clarke puts her hands in her face a bit frantic. “How did I let this happen?” They sit her down.  
“Breathe, Clarke. What don’t you understand?” Luna asks.  
“I think I’m in love with her.”  
“Well, have you seen her?” Luna glares at her wife. “Ok, sorry. In all seriousness, we’re here for you.”  
“Clarke, do you really feel that way or is it the act that’s confusing you?”  
“That’s just it, I don’t think we’ve been acting.”  
“Does she think it’s an act?”  
“It’s real to her.”  
“And for you?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe?”  
“Well, that’s a start.” Raven encourages.  
“Yes, it’s real to me.” Clarke blurts out then buries her head in hands and dramatically falls back on the bed. Luna and Rae smile, happy to have her finally admit it.  
“That wasn’t so bad. Don’t you feel better?” Luna asks proud of her emotionally callow friend.  
“No! you guys I’m in love and I’m leaving for Paris in a month!”  
“Oh, that minor detail.” Raven says unfazed.  
“I say forget Paris and follow your heart. You’re ready to be happy. You deserve it.” Luna says.  
“As much as I was looking forward to our vacation. I agree with wifey, Princess. She’s the one.”  
“This is crazy talk. I can’t just not go to Paris for an infatuation. This isn’t some romantic comedy with a happy ending. I’ve worked my ass off for this opportunity.” She was speaking more to herself rather than to her friends. “I can’t keep leading her on. I’m going to Paris and I need to put an end this.”  
“Look, Clarke let it work itself out. You don’t have to make any decisions right now.” Clarke didn’t immediately dismiss Luna’s rationale.  
“As much as we love her, we’ve got your back no matter what. She’s a big girl. She knows exactly what she’s doing.” Raven assures. 

“Honey, are you ok?” Abby knocks before entering.  
“Hey mom, yeah I’m ok.”  
“Lexa is pretty worried about you.”  
“Oh god, poor thing.”  
“Are you’re still in for game night or should I send Lexa up?”  
“No, no, we’re coming down.” 

They head down stairs Lexa gets up from the couch to meet her.  
“Hey, Clarke. Are you ok?” The blonde smiles and without warning kisses her hard catching the brunette and her friends off guard. Rae looks with utter confusion to Luna who pushes her along shaking her head ‘no’ to keep her wife from making any inappropriate comments.  
Lexa falls into the kiss and tightens her hold. Clarke leaves small pecks on her chin and jaw sending jolts of electricity throughout the yogi’s body.  
“Thank you, for standing up for me at dinner. It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”  
“Of course, beautiful. He left me no choice.”  
“God, you’re so sweet, I don’t know what to do with you.”  
“I may have a few ideas” she raises her eyebrows. And the blonde smirks and smacks her very firm yoga bootie. “Come on let’s go, there are games to be played.” Clarke nods and they join the others. 

They turn in early after a couple rounds with the family. Being away for 2 days was a luxury for Lexa and as much as she would have loved to stay, her business awaits. People depended on her. She suggested that Clarke stay longer with her family but she also needed to catch up on some work and prepare for her big move. 

Lexa sat up against the head board engrossed in Clarke’s book as the blonde packed her belongings. It has become one of Clarke’s favorite things, Lexa reading in her presence.  
“Interesting choice for an epigraph to chapter 3, Clarke.” Lexa says without looking up. _“…l’amour, même en ses plus humbles commencements, est un exemple frappant du peu qu’est la réalité pour nous.” _Clarke crawls to her side to skim the page.__  
“It makes sense for the chapter.” Clarke then realized she had read the quote in French. “So, French eh?”  
“Chicks dig it.”  
“Uh huh, I bet they do.”  
“I lived in Paris for a few years.”  
“What were you doing there?”  
“I was teaching yoga. It was only supposed to be for a summer, but then I met Costia and three months turned into three years.” Clarke appreciated the information but couldn’t help but feel slightly inadequate, fortunately it was fleeting sensation. Grad school and her exes have really done a number on her.  
“So, you own 3 businesses and speak Chinese and French, as far as I know. Anything else I should know about you? Are you also a trained classical guitarist?” She asks in jest. Lexa looks away. “You’ve got to be kidding.”  
“I didn’t say anything.” All this information was irrelevant to the yogi, what difference did it make if she played an instrument or spoke another language. To the brunette all it meant was that she had lots of free time to learn new hobbies.  
“Tell me.”  
“Tell you what?”  
“Which languages and which instruments?”  
“What does it matter?”  
“I want to know.” Lexa rolls her eyes.  
“Romance languages and Chinese. I play guitar, but horribly, no training just for fun.” Clarke was defeated, reality was that Lexa Woods met all of her standards except for a post graduate degree. Although, in the past week she’s realized that Lexa’s spiritual and emotional intelligence surpassed her pragmatic understanding of life. “What else do you want to know?”  
“Everything.”  
“We have time.”  
“No, we don’t. Tonight is all we have. Tomorrow we go back to reality.” Clarke starts to become emotional and it breaks Lexa’s heart. She takes her face in her hands caressing her cheeks to dry her tears she moves a golden strand behind her ear.  
“Don’t cry, beautiful. Look at me. All of this is real. I am real, how I feel about you is real. I’m not going anywhere.”  
“Lex, I don’t want to hurt you.”  
“I know what I signed up for, Clarke.” 

__Clarke kisses her wanting all of her to keep forever. No matter what happens, she’ll have tonight, this moment with her. Lexa doesn’t let her down, she gives her everything. Love, their rebellion against reality._ _

Legs, arms interwoven delicately. Hands, fingers, lips and tongues roaming, finding the deepest corners, parts of themselves they didn’t know existed.  
“Lex”  
Sweat, skin, mouths collide.  
“Right there, don’t stop.”  
Breaths compromised, moans unleashed. Pupils dilated, gazes desperate. They climb as one to the highest peak.  
“Clarke”  
And soar into the vast white canvas with no beginning or end. They are one. Bodies floating to the shore, enveloped in one another, they bask in the ardent grace that radiates from their union. Alchemy at its best, trial after trial they create something new, different, beautiful. 

__At dawn sleep befalls them and moments later, Clarke wakes for the first time with Lexa still at her side fast asleep. She admires Lexa’s beauty in her natural glory. Tracing her fingers along her intricate tattoos, she wonders how anyone can look so good in the morning. The sun crept slowly behind the mountains, she could smell coffee and hear the stirring of the household. Clarke had no idea what would happen next. All she knew was that she wasn’t ready to face reality._ _


	11. Transition

“Alright guys, I have to get her home.” Clarke breaks up her family and Lexa. She says goodbye to her parents and Gams one last time.  
“Be careful. Love you both.” Gams calls as Clarke slowly backs out.  
“I think it’s safe to say that they won't bother you for the rest of the year.”  
“I think you’re right.”  
“Mission accomplished.” The brunette relaxes into her seat satisfied with the weekend. She looks out her window taking in the scenery as to ingrain it into her memory. She yawns into a shoulder.  
“Someone’s tired.”  
“I had quite the night.” The blonde smiles with images from the evening flashing through her mind.  
“We’ve got a few hours, get some sleep.”  
“I may just take you up on that.” Clarke sees her from the corner of her eye and reaches for her hand. Lexa smiles as she dozes off. 

“Looking for these” the blonde asks with a smirk as she admires pantless Lexa’s ass as she scanned the room for clothing that was immediately shed upon their arrival.  
“I need those, thank you.” Lexa crawls towards her and reaches for them. The blonde pulls it from her reach eliciting a groan from the half-naked brunette. “Clarke, I was supposed to be-” the blonde cuts her off with a kiss that quickly becomes heated. The yogi pulls away. “You’re torturing me.” she grumbles. The blonde take pity on her.  
“Ok, fine.” She surrenders her panties to the brunette who rewards her with a peck on those lushes lips she’s grown so addicted to. She successfully dresses herself without further distractions. Clarke throws on her robe and walks her to the door.  
“So, this was fun.”  
“I liked it.”  
“I could tell.” The blonde teases.  
“I’ll call you.”  
“Smooth.”  
“I try.” With that the yogi pulls the blonde’s lips onto hers. She could kiss those lips forever, at least for another month. She breaks away and Clarke sends her off with a pat on her ass, her perfect yoga ass. 

Clarke had no idea what she was doing. She certainly wasn’t thinking straight, she wasn’t thinking at all. She surrendered to her affinity and was now completely and utterly fucked. 

“So, are you going to talk or do we have to draw it out of you?” Anya asks.  
“I’m sure Rae has filled you in.”  
“Not me.” Indra objects. “All I know is that you came to work yesterday an hour late and wreaking of sex.” Anya was shocked.  
“Oh my god, you didn’t?”  
“Your discretion is appreciated, Indra.”  
“So is yours, Lexa.” The older woman quips.  
“So, are you two, together?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Is she still moving to Paris?” Indra asks, who has had her doubts from the beginning.  
“Yes.”  
“And you’re ok with that?”  
“It is what it is.”  
“So, what is it exactly?” Indra won’t let it go. She is concerned for her friend and doesn’t trust or know the blonde.  
“A sincere connection with a beautiful individual.”  
“I hope you know what you’re doing.”  
“Don’t worry, It’ll work itself out.” The brunette assures her friend.  
“We just don’t want you to get hurt, Lex.” Anya says.  
“Thanks, An, I’ve been through worse. So, how did it go with the Blakes?” She asks casually changing the subject. Both women read the message loud and clear.  
“They’re lovely. Most of the attention was on O and Lincoln thankfully.”  
“How did Bell take it?”  
“Pretty well, better than expected. I told him about Linc and you.” She says with hesitation.  
“If it helps the cause, I’m totally fine with that.” Anya is relieved.  
“So, when do I get to spend time with these people that have taken my girls away from me this holiday?” The brunette and blonde look at each other both caught off guard.  
“Soon.” Lexa responds.  
“Uh huh, I’m holding you to it.” Her partner asserts.

“You so owe me money.”  
“What?”  
“Yeah man. Princess and Hottie are a thing.”  
“I still can’t believe that Clarke caved in.  
“Believe it and pay up.” He hands her 2 fifty dollar bills.  
“Well now what? Is she still going to Paris?” Bell asks confused.  
“Last I checked, but that was pre sexy sexy with hottie.”  
“What are you guys talking about?” O asks as she and Lincoln join them at the bar.  
“Oh you know, the Clexa situation.”  
“I thought it was just an act for the weekend?”  
“We all did. Until it wasn’t.” Bell replies.  
“I knew from the beginning.”  
“You mean Luna knew and you eventually joined the band wagon.”  
“Same thing, that’s how marriage works.” The Latina insists.  
“Pretty sure that’s not.” O says. “But anyway, Clarke’s still going to Paris right?”  
“We don’t know.”  
“She can’t pass this up. She’s worked so hard for it.”  
“Yeah, but O, Lexa’s special. Clarke is different with her and the Griffins are absolutely inlove.” The rocket scientist defends. She then turns to O’s fiancé. “What do you think, muscles?” He doesn’t hesitate to offer his opinion.  
“Lexa doesn’t fall easily, but when she does, she falls hard.”  
“Let me clarify. We’re putting money on this right now.” The Latina insists. “$100 says that Clarke will stay for Lexa.”  
“Nope, not a chance.” O maintains. Rae looks to Bell.  
“I’m with you, Rae. We’ve seen a new side of the Princess since Lexa’s been in the picture.”  
“Muscles?”  
“I’m with O.” and he leaves it at that. He knows that there is no way Lexa will allow Clarke to choose her over her career. That’s how Costia lost her.  
“This is great! Who knows who best? Let the Clexa drama begin.” The Latina announces as they clink their glasses. 

Clarke lays in bed restless using all of her will power not to text Lexa. How can she miss someone so much when it’s only been a day? She skipped out on drinks with the crew to catch up on work and because she didn’t want to have to talk to anyone about Lexa. She would see O and Linc of tomorrow for their farewell dinner with everyone. Work proved to be difficult as she found her mind drifting to Lexa’s eyes, lips, scent, hands, ass. Everything was Lexa. This was a big problem. She had to do something about it quick. _This is just my transition back to reality. It'll work itself out. _She can’t afford to continue to have distractions with Paris a month away.__

____

The next day Clarke wakes to a text from Lexa.

Lexa: Good morning, beautiful.  
Clarke: Hey, you.  
Lexa: I missed you last night.  
The blonde was ecstatic to read the text.  
Clarke: Me too. Will I see you at dinner tonight?  
Lexa: You will. Heads up, Indra is coming.  
Clarke: Oh?  
Lexa: Anya invited her.  
The blonde wasn’t sure how to feel. Another set of eyes questioning her motives didn’t sound like much fun, but this was the closest thing that Lexa had to a mother and she knows how important she is to her.  
Clarke: Cool. Looking forward to meeting her.  
Lexa: I almost believe you ;-)  
Clarke: See you tonight  
Lexa: Can’t wait.

Clarke needed to clear her mind, she had to be mentally prepared for the evening. She still had no idea what they were doing. She can’t help but be the way she is around the brunette, completely powerless. Why should anything else matter? Is it timing? Or is she simply not the one? Clarke would spend all day mapping this out so that she can better navigate through this transition back to reality.


	12. Love

“So, it went well with the Blakes?” Lexa asks stopped at a crosswalk as Lincoln runs in place.  
“Yeah, better than expected. Anya helped with Bell.”  
“I’m happy for you Linc, you radiate around her.”  
“Thanks, Lex. You’ve got a bit of a glow going on yourself.”  
“Orgasms’ll do that.”  
“Nice try. I noticed it pre-orgasm.”  
“Did you now?”  
“Does Clarke know about us?”  
“I left out the details but she knows.”  
“That’s a big step for you.”  
“It was easy with her.”  
“Maybe you’re just better at talking about it.”  
“Maybe.” They continue their run through the city back to her house.  
“So, what’s with you and Paris?”  
“Yeah, fucking Paris. First Costia, now Clarke. City of love indeed.”  
“It’ll work itself out.”  
“That’s what I keep telling myself.” They run into the sunset in silence, both taking comfort in other’s presence. Experiencing a sight like this with another person is rare for Lexa, she was happy to share it with her friend who has pulled her out of the dark when she was sure she would never see the light again.

 

“I still can’t believe that you’re engaged.”  
“I know it all kind of just happened.”  
“As long as you’re sure.” It wasn’t Lincoln that Clarke questioned, it was their timing.  
“I can honestly say, that I knew the moment I saw him.”  
“As in you thought he was hot?”  
“As in, I felt something. Even if I couldn’t explain it, it was there from the start. And everything that happened after proved it.” The blonde was skeptical partially because it hit close to home.  
“As long as you’re happy, babe.”  
“I am. What about you?”  
“Absolutely thrilled that I fell for my fake girlfriend before moving to Paris.”  
“What are you going to do?”  
“What would you do?”  
“Go to Paris.”  
“But you just gave me your love at first sight spiel.”  
“Our timing was right, everything fell into place, we didn’t have to make a choice like you.”  
“So, you think it’s timing?”  
“Sorry, but I do.”  
“Me too.” She was glad to have time alone with O as the younger girl was separated from her day to day. Since Clarke has moved back home from New York after she broke off her engagement with Finn, her parents, Bellamy and Raeven have been very much involved in her life. It was refreshing to get O’s perspective.  
“You need to tell her, Clarke.”  
“I know.”

 

By the time Lexa and Lincoln arrived at Bellamy’s brewery, the group was well into their second round and food started making its way to the table. Bellamy had it specially prepared for the occasion. Clarke saw them first catching the yogi dressed in tight black skinny jeans with white button up that was half tucked, and jean jacket. The blonde licks her lips thinking how good the outfit will look on her bedroom floor. The brunette beams at the sight of Clarke, her blue eyes gleaming even from a distance with her golden mane framing her face so eloquently and those lips... they call her.

“There they are!” Raven announces. Lincoln kisses Octavia and gives Indra a big hug.  
“Lincoln, you look good kid. Congratulations.”  
“Thanks, Indra. You too.”  
Lexa sits next to the blonde giving her a chaste kiss on her lips, knowing all control would be lost with anything more. The two are glowing. Indra sees what Anya has been saying and O understands why her friend has been tentative with the situation. She’s never seen her like this.

“Hey, beautiful.”  
“Hi, you.” Clarke ignores O and Indra’s critical eyes and inches closer into Lexa whose arm wraps around the blonde’s shoulders. Both have been anticipating the evening and even though Clarke had spent the day separating her heart from her mind, pheromones have rendered her helpless in the presence those jade orbs.  
“Did you miss me or something?”  
“Maybe a little.”  
“Just a little?”  
“You should take what you can get.” The blonde says running her hand up her thigh causing the brunette to swallow hard. This was going to be a long night.  
The evening draws on and the table roars with laughter at the exchange of stories and memories. 

“So, Jake turns to Bell and asks if he had the rings.”  
“Of course, I didn’t.”  
“At this point the moment had passed. I just poured my heart out to Luna who’s in tears and I can’t seal the deal because of those two man children.”  
“So, what did you do?” Indra asks fully invested in the story.  
“We look to Clarke and Abby who are clearly unamused after a few minutes of us patting ourselves down. Between the two of them they give Rae their rings that they were wearing to close the ceremony.”  
“We still wear them to this day.” Luna says holding up her and Rae’s hand.  
“What happened to the rings you bought?” Anya asks.  
“Dad left them in his other jacket.” Clarke says.  
“Yup, the old jacket switch.” Bell states.  
“It happens.” The blonde found Lexa’s defense of her father to be adorable.  
“It’s ok, Jake made up for it by sending us to Thailand for our Honeymoon.” Luna assures.  
“O, you might want to consider having Jake give you away and lose your rings too.” Raeven jokes.  
“Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind.”  
“Hey!” Bell says offended, as the man in O’s life.  
“Easy, tiger.” Anya says rubbing his chest.  
“So, Jake gave you away?” Indra asks a bit confused.  
“Yeah, he and Abby pretty much have been my parents since I turned 18. The Reyes familia wasn’t exactly thrilled about me liking the ladies.”  
“They pretty much disowned her.” Clarke clarifies.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t know.” Indra apologizes.  
“Don’t be. Best thing to happen to me.” The rocket scientist assures totally unaffected.

The evening came to a close and Clarke took in the perfect scene. Who knows when she would have all of them together like that again. Indra was surprisingly a nice addition to the group. She was sweet to the blonde and never once brought up Paris or made any threats. Everything was as it should be. Maybe it wasn’t timing, maybe this is what matters. 

 

“How are you so good at that?” The blonde whispers into the brunette’s ear whose dead weight rested on her chest. Both breathing hard to catch their breath after hours of falling into the depths of their lust.  
“Lots of practice?” The blonde smacked her butt. "Well you asked."  
“Try again, stud.”  
“A good dance partner?”  
“That’s better.” They remained there in silence, bodies naked, hearts beating. Minutes seemed to last hours to Clarke. “Lex.”  
“hmmm?”  
“We have to talk.” There was no good time to say it so she just does.  
“I know.”  
“I’ve been thinking a lot and-” Lexa’s lifts her head and is looks at the blonde.  
“Shhhshhh. Can we wait until the morning? You kind of wore me out.”  
“Yeah, you’re right, sorry.” She kisses her forehead and readjusts to hold the yogi closer. Lexa could feel Clarke thinking and did her best to relax the blonde and guide her to sleep.

 

Lexa woke to find the bed empty, she could feel that something was different, she sensed a glitch. She put on her clothes reluctant to face the new day. Clarke was reading a book in her robe with her coffee on the couch.  
“Hey, you.”  
“Good morning.” She joins the blonde who puts her book down and gives her full attention. “What are you reading, beautiful?”  
“One of the books I’ll be translating in Paris.” There it was. “I don’t want to fall behind schedule.”  
“No, wouldn’t want that.”  
“Lex-“  
“You don’t have to say anything.”  
“I do, Lexa, please, listen. We can’t keep avoiding reality.” The blonde does her best to keep from completely falling apart at that instance. “I have a lot going on with the move and work. I care about you, Lexa and I want you in my life, but I can’t do this, knowing that I’ll be leaving in month. And I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have.” The words cut deep into the brunette’s heart. She didn’t expect it to hurt this much.  
“What do you need me to do, Clarke?”  
“I need time alone to so I can go back to my life. I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be. You have to do this.” The blonde fails to hold back her sobs and it breaks Lexa’s heart so she puts her pain aside as she’s learned to do all these years and holds the woman she loves. She bares it so that Clarke doesn’t have to. Her heart shattered to pieces, but she knew that with time, she would put it back together.  
“I’m so sorry, Lex.” Why can’t she just tell her? Three words, that’s all.  
“I’ll always be here for you, Clarke.” Lexa closes her eyes trying to be strong but the pain becomes too much. The brunette backs away, she had to take care of her now. She composes herself and gets up to walk to the door.  
“Lexa, I-“ But Lexa won’t allow her to say those three words.  
“Take care of yourself, beautiful. You know how to reach me.” With that she’s out the door, a part of her waiting for Clarke to stop her to come after her, but she knew better, the rebellion was over, it was nice while it lasted. 

Clarke watches her drive away and it takes all of her not to go after her. Then she was alone, like a part of her has died. She crawls into a ball and lays on the couch with the blinds closed she can’t bring herself out of her shock so she cries herself to sleep.


	13. Grieving

Lexa honored Clarke’s request and neither have made contact since their parting. Lexa understands why Clarke did what she did and like Jake and Abby, she let her go on her journey so as to not lose her completely.

“So that’s it, it’s over?”  
“She just needs time.”  
“Then she leaves for who knows how long?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I don’t like this, Lex.”  
“What do you want me to do, Indra? It is what it is.”  
“She could’ve stopped it before it came to this, her timing could’ve been better. It’s all just so selfish and dramatic.”  
“You know the subjunctive doesn’t exist in Chinese. It doesn’t leave much room for regret.”  
“You’re not Chinese. Your emotions are tied to western culture and language, so don’t give me that.”  
“She didn’t do anything wrong, Indra. I knew from the beginning. It was my decision as much as it was hers.”  
“Look, Lex. I understand all that, but honey, it’s ok to be angry. Don’t deny yourself these emotions.” Indra sees how drained she’s been, taking in everyone’s problems and neglecting her own emotional wellbeing. Someone has to take care of Lexa while she’s grieving.  
“I won’t, I just-“ the yogi sighs, exuding exhaustion and, something else. “Right now… I’m sad.” And after days of detachment and passing through time and space on autopilot, Lexa finally breaks. Indra takes her head to her chest consoling the brunette.  
“Oh honey, it’s ok. Let it all out, I’ve got you.” And so she does. She cries until it hurt her abdominal muscles, until she could barely catch her breath and then she cried some more. 

 

Days turns to a week and then two. Clarke continues to battle her demons. After a few days of self-loathing followed by the purging of remorse and doubt onto Raeven and Luna, she found a way to return to her life. She packed for her move and kept busy with work to avoid second guessing her decision. Her friends have spent time with Lexa but will not dare utter her name around the blonde. 

“Princess, you need a break. When was the last time you did something for yourself?”  
“Everything I do is for myself, me, I alone.”  
“Seriously, we need you to get out of this house. You need to go to a yoga class.” Luna glares at her wife and the room goes silent.  
“You guys, it’s ok. Yes, I need to do yoga. Yes I need to exercise. You don’t have to walk on eggshells.” They relax, and Clarke realized that they do because now all she can think about is Lexa. “So, how is she?” Rae and Luna look at each other not knowing how to respond. _Does she really want to go there? _They gather not.__  
“I’m sure she’s fine. She’s got a business to run.” Luna assures.  
“Right, your right, she’s probably just fine.” Clarke shakes herself out of it turning her attention to another pile of books to pack.  
“I can’t believe you're moving in a week. Have you told your parents?”  
“Kind of been avoiding that.”  
“Princess, you really need to tell them. I hate keeping things from Jake.”  
“I know. I just, I’ve got a lot going on”  
“When will you tell them?”  
“I’m sticking to the plan. On Christmas.” Her phone vibrates and her stomach drops to read the text. 

____

_Lexa: Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, but your parents texted me. They are on their way down to see me._

____

“Shit!”  
“Who is it, Princess?”  
“Lexa. My parents are coming to visit her.” Her phone buzzes again. Luna and Rae read with her.

_Lexa: Um, they just set up a time for lunch with me before coming to your place… What do you want me to do? ___

____

“Shit, what do I say?” Rae takes the phone.

 _Clarke: Hi, I’m so sorry. Are you able to help me out? ___  
_Lexa: Of course, I just want to give you a heads up. __  
_Clarke: Thank you, I will deal with them when they get here. _  
_Lexa: Ok ______

_____ _

“There, all good.” She hands the phone to her.  
“What the fuck am I going to do?”  
“Looks like you’re going to have to come clean.”  
“I thought I had until Christmas.”  
“You thought wrong.” Raven checks her phone. “Sweet!”  
“What?”  
“I’m going to the game with Jake. Babe, don’t wait up.” 

Jake and Abby have lunch at Sutra café and they get a tour of the space and the neighborhood. They sensed that something was off with the girl.  
“Lex, Is everything ok?”  
“What do you mean?” She knew exactly what they meant.  
“Is everything ok with you and Clarke?”  
“Um, you guys really need to talk.”  
“Honey, we want you to know, that no matter what, you’re family now. We hope that you feel the same.” Lexa is touched. Of course she felt the same but it hurts to be reminded of Clarke.  
“I do. I really do. I’m so glad to see you both. Thank you for coming.”  
“Great. I have courtside tickets for the game tonight for you, me Bell and Rae.” Lexa can’t say no seeing that he would not let her off the hook.  
“Great!” 

_Lexa: They’re on their way to you. ___  
_Clarke: Ok, did you tell them? ___  
Lexa was annoyed by the question.  
_Lexa: no. _  
_Clarke: Thank you. I’ll take care of it. _____

_____ _

Lexa doesn’t respond. She didn’t even ask how she was, or show any concern or curiosity for her well-being. She was past sadness phase of her grieving, now she was just mad. _That selfish, insensitive, self-absorbed Princess! _She cancels her afternoon class and runs to release some steam before she meets Jake and the others for the game.__

____

“Mom, Dad! What a surprise!”  
“Hi Honey! We were worried about you.”  
“Really? Why?”  
“We barely hear from you, Clarke. And honey, to be honest, you sound really depressed on the phone.” Her mom hugs her.  
“What’s going on Princess?” Jake asks looking at her place. They walk in and sit in the living room. “Are you moving in with Lexa?”  
“No, Dad. I have something to tell you.” She takes a deep breath. “Please, know that I love you both and that I’m so sorry.”  
“Honey, you’re worrying us.” Abby says.  
“I knew there was something wrong. We should have come sooner. But we didn’t want to interfere.” Jake explains.  
“So, you know how you have been doing just that with your matchmaking for the past 3 years?”  
“That’s all over, you’ve got Lexa.”  
“Yes, it’s over but I don’t have Lexa.”  
“What do you mean, did you get in a fight?”  
“No, nothing like that. Look, Lexa and I were never really together. I asked her to be my fake girlfriend so that I wouldn’t have to go through another holiday with you trying to set me up.” There’s silence in the room. Jake sits back and Abby give him the look. They take a moment that was too long for their daughter. “Please, say something.”  
“Clarke, we’re your parents. We only want you to be happy.” Abby responds.  
“Lexa makes you happy.” Jake finally says.  
“Did you not hear me? We were pretending.”  
“Lexa doesn’t do fake. And you're a horrible actress.” Her mother replies. Clarke couldn’t believe their reaction. She expected disappointment and anger but not this.  
“Clarke, you can’t fool us. We know that it was real. You can call it whatever you want.”  
“Why are you saying this. Just be angry with me for lying to you guys.”  
“Honey, do you love her?”  
“What?”  
“Do you love her?”  
“I barely know her?”  
“I’m not asking your mind, I’m asking your heart.” Her mother takes her hands.  
“It doesn’t matter that I love her. I made my decision. I’m moving to Paris.” She doesn’t even realize that she unwillingly disclosed Paris to her parents. 

“What?” _Shit. _Her timing has been impeccable these past few weeks.__  
“I’m moving to Paris in January.”  
“In 3 weeks, and you’ve known for how long?” Abby is irate.  
“A month or so. I just-” She sees the hurt in her parents’ eyes and she’s overcome with guilt. Why did she think this was a good idea?  
“You’re leaving your family and the woman you love to live in Paris?” Abby clarifies?  
“Mom, I worked so hard for this. I got a fellowship it’s only offered every 2 years, super competitive and highly regarded.” She hoped that the prominence would soften the blow, but it doesn’t. Jakes gets up.  
“Ok, I’ve heard enough. I have a game to go to.”  
“Jake.” Her mother can tell that he is furious and tries to calm him.  
“What, Abby? She’s made her decision, and at least now we know. There’s nothing we can do.” It killed, Clarke how hurt he was using indifference as his defense. She’s never seen her parents this upset.  
“Dad I’m sorry. I fucked up ok. I should’ve told you guys.”  
“Jake, sit down and talk to your daughter.” He does as he’s told.  
“Can you try to understand?” He takes a moment to collect himself.  
“I understand that this job is important to you. What I don’t understand is why you refuse to be happy?” Clarke wasn’t expecting that. She looks to her mother who backed him. Suddenly she had no idea what this was about.  
“Honey, it’s hard to watch you make decisions that keep you from being happy.” Abby reiterates.  
“Wait, is this about Paris or-?”  
“This is about you walking away from happiness.” Jake interrupts. “Don’t you see, you deserve that. You don’t have to prove anything. It's ok to be happy.” Clarke is speechless, not knowing how to respond to any of it.  
“Clarke, we love you. We’ll always support you and your decisions, but please, just this once, let us help you.” Abby implores.  
“But, I let her go, Mom. I hurt her and I’m scared.” Abby embraces her.  
“I know sweetheart, welcome to life and love. The good news is you don’t have to do it alone. But that’s up to you.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me this years ago?” She asks in a whiney tone.  
“You’re my daughter, Clarke. You wouldn’t have listened and you would’ve pushed us further away.” She laughs and sobs into her mother’s chest.  
“What do I do, mom?”  
“Think on it, I’ll stay with you tonight if you want. We can get the girls together and talk it out.” She nods her head feeling like a child again, grateful to have her mother to take care of her needs.  
“God, have I always been this dramatic?”  
“Yes, sweetheart. But that’s what makes you you, and we love you for exactly who you are.” Abby assures bringing a smile to her daughter’s face, who already feels so much better.  
“I really do have to go. I’m meeting Rae and Bell for dinner before the game.” He purposefully fails to mention Lexa. He kisses his daughter's head. "Listen to your mother, Princess. She's always right."


	14. Fear

Anya and Luna give Clarke a big hug.  
“It’s ok, Princess, we’re here.” They go through a bottle of wine and a cheeseboard that Abby prepared as they talk it out. The balance of Anya’s logic and reason together with Luna emotional insight and Abby’s experience helped the blonde reconcile these conflicting pieces of herself.  
“Ok, so, I love Lexa but I also love my career and have worked very hard for this opportunity.”  
“Long distance relationship.”  
“No” they all say in unison to Anya.  
“Ok, then. How about if Lexa goes with you?” Abby suggests.  
“She has a business and people who depend on her here.” Anya counters.  
“Right, so what if you work on your project here and travel to Paris whenever you need to?” Luna proposes.  
“That sounds like the most feasible option. Let’s work with that.” Abby agrees. They all feel their phone at once and read their messages. Clarke is completely unaware of the group texting that’s been taking place all evening. 

_Jake: Headed to Blake’s in an hour or so. _  
_Abby: Got it. _____

_____ _

“Who was that?”  
“It’s your father the game is going into overtime.”  
“Rae did say not to wait up.” Luna recalls.  
“I’m still hungry. Let’s go to the brewery. I haven’t been in a while.” Abby recommends casually.  
“Let’s keep the party going. You don’t get me out all that often.” Anya adds to seal the deal.  
“I guess it would be good to get out of the house.” Clarke agrees. 

 

_Bell: We’ve arrived. Lexa and I are getting drinks for the table. _  
_Abby: Perfect. _____

_____ _

“Anya” Jake hugs her. “It’s a pleasure, to meet you. I’ve heard only the best things about you.”  
“Likewise, Jake.”  
“How are you doing, Princess?” Rae asks putting her arm around her.  
“As well as can be expected. The alcohol helps.”  
“Well, at least you left the house.”  
“Where’s Bell?”  
“At the bar getting drinks.”  
Clarke looks in that direction and notices a familiar leather jacket worn by a woman with a striking resemblance to one, Lexa Woods. She gets a glimpse of her profile as she turns to talk to some girl who got her attention by touching her arm. Clarke, specially after a few drinks was not very good at controlling her emotions. She was not happy and everyone at the table was aware.  
“Who the hell is that?”  
“Princess, I thought you knew that Lexa was with us at the game.” The Latina offers with innocence.  
“No, I didn’t. Who is she with?” Anya sees the girl flirting with Lexa and immediately tries to cover for her.  
“Don’t worry about it. She's a regular and flirts with Bell all the time.” That was a lie, Anya’s never seen her before.  
“Oh, I see.”  
“Come on Princess. Look at her. Do you blame her?” Luna pinches her wife. “Ouch!”  
“Not helping, babe.”  
“Sorry.”  
“It doesn’t mean that I like it or that I want to see it.” She rebukes.  
“Honey, calm down. You’ve had a few drinks.”  
“She’s not even paying attention to them.” Jake insists. She knew they were all right, but the moment the girl leaned in to whisper something in the brunette’s ear is when Clarke lost it.  
“Ok, I can’t watch this.” She gets up and walks away. She originally intended to go to the restroom, but changed her mind at the sight of Lexa laughing at what the girl said.  
“You’re daughter is so dramatic.” Jake directs to Abby.  
“She gets it from you.” 

She heads over to the bar and taps on the girl’s shoulder. 

“Well this could not have gone any better.” the Rocket Scientist says as the family watches full attention commentating the scene out loud. 

Lexa doesn’t see her until she turns around.  
“Clarke, um what are you doing here?”  
“Hi, Lex, long time no see. I see you’re doing well.”  
“Who’s this?” The girl asked annoyed.  
“Um, this is-“  
“Her girlfriend.” She looks to Lexa who sighs but says nothing so that the girl would leave. Nonetheless, she was irritated that Clarke was playing games.  
“What do you need from me now, Princess?” She never calls me princess. It was insulting to Clarke, which was Lexa's desired effect.  
“We need to talk.”  
“Help me with these drinks they’re for your family.”  
“Trust me, they can wait.”  
“What is it then?”  
“A hello, how are you doing? is a start.”  
“I could say the same to you.”  
“This is me talking to you.”  
“It sounds like you yelling at me and scaring nice a girl away.”  
“I don’t like seeing you flirting with another girl.”  
“I wasn’t flirting.”  
“You know what I mean.”  
“You know where I stand. You’re the one that needs to figure it out.”  
“Well maybe I figured it out.” Lexa looks towards her family realizing that they had set this all up.  
“Look, Clarke. I don’t know if this is you or your family. I love them but this is your decision, not theirs.”  
“I know, Lex. Maybe you should just hear me out.” 

“Not looking good.” Bell says joining the table.  
“What are they saying?” Abby asks?  
“Not sure, but they are definitely arguing.”  
“That’s their foreplay.” Raven quips as Luna and Anya roll their eyes.

“I’m listening.” Lexa responds. The blonde takes a deep breath.  
“I want to be with you, Lex.” the brunette doesn’t respond immediately feeling ambushed and confused. This in turn evokes doubt and fear in the blonde, after she finally let her guard down.  
“Clarke, I-“ Before she could say it. Clarke kisses her. Lexa loses the ability to think and falls into her. God she missed those lips and at that moment nothing else mattered. 

“And there we go!” Rae says raising her glass. 

Their foreheads touch and lips part with reluctance.  
“You don’t have to say anything.” Clarke says. This time it was Lexa that wouldn’t allow her to evade reality.  
“But I do, Clarke. I can’t let you pass up this opportunity.”  
“I won’t. I can make it work and travel when I need to.”  
“It’s not just about your career, Clarke. You’re still on your journey. Living abroad will change your perspective of the world and life. You’re going to grow and evolve so much in Paris. I won’t take that away from you.”  
“What are you saying? I don't want Paris, I want you.” Clarke didn’t know if she should be heartbroken or relieved.  
“Clarke, I love you. I will gladly spend my life making you happy but only when you’re ready.” At first, the blonde feels rejection, but then it sunk in, delayed by the alcohol. Nevertheless, she realized what the yogi was saying. 

“This is definitely not going as planned.” Jake’s voice was dripping with concern.  
“Why do they have to make things so difficult?” Rae follows dramatically.  
“Lexa doesn’t want to mess it up.” Luna observes. They all look at her dumbfounded.

“I’m scared, Lex. I don’t want to lose you.”  
“You won’t. Fear is a good sign. You should always face it head on. It’s the only way to overcome. You’ll be surprised what you find on the other side of it.” Lexa pulls her in for a hug. Clarke can’t believe how lucky she is to have such a beautiful human being in her life.  
“How are you so good at this?”  
“Lot’s of practice.” Clarke manages a smile.  
“Come on, beautiful. Our family is waiting.”


	15. Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying with me! :-)

Winter was cold and wet, but Clarke didn’t mind. The gloom of grey enhanced her writing as much as it did her melancholy. She fell into a routine of morning translations with a cup of coffee and an afternoon meal at her flat that felt more and more like home every day that a book was left on a flat surface. Other days she ventured to a new café or park to read and observe, practicing the skill of being present, taking in sensations absorbing every sound, color, shape, aroma and impression. She imagines how to represent the essence of the material world with language, sutras, to create a simulation. Some days are better than others.

Evenings were reserved for strolls around the city. A new alley, corner or space in a different arrondissement. While she meandered through the stone pavements, bridges and dimly lit streets she allowed her mind to wander through the labyrinths of her consciousness. Mostly memories, a retelling of narratives from her past. They are now re-examined; fresh eyes provide a new perspective. Quite the endeavor to revise one’s history, but it was long over-due for the writer. With every retelling of her story and the characters that have played a role, she was that much closer to finding herself. Medea’s yarn guides her out of the intricate walls of her past back to the present. Then, at night, when there was nothing left to think about, she closes her eyes and it’s Lexa. 

By Spring, Clarke’s relationship with herself and the city developed into one of love, respect and gratitude. She found a new outlet for her emotions as she allowed the right side of her brain play with paint on clean white surfaces. Canvas after canvas marred with strokes of every feeling that emerged, sometimes accompanied by tears, laughter, guttaral howls and silence. Moods abstracted with colors colliding and layers engulfing layers. She was falling in love, and Lexa required less and less attention. 

Summer brought people that have provided Clarke the opportunity to interact freely without self-imposed limits or judgments. She forgot who she was trying to be and simply was. It was the other side, just like Lexa said. She becomes a Sunday regular at The Trading Post, a cafe located at the edge of her neighborhood. She enjoyed the atmosphere and the eclectic clientele of individuals that seemed to always be on their way elsewhere. Transient. Mostly, she kept to herself often engrossed in a book or reflecting in her journal, sometimes engaging in welcomed chitchat. But the late summer brought a new face to the counter and Clarke found herself frequenting The Trading Post more often than not.

Lingering gazes, prolonged small talk, little by little the writer and the barista read more and more in between the lines until they found exactly what they needed at the time. They never asked for anything more than what they willingly gave. An occasional meal, late nights and some incidental mornings in bed. In Autumn, Nylah kept her warm. 

“There she goes.” The naked woman says as she sits up to watch the writer dress.  
“We slept in.”  
“Even writers need sleep.” Clarke grins as she pulls her shirt down.  
“I have to meet with my editor today.”  
“Will I see you later at the café?”  
“Why don’t you come to my place after your shift?” She asks after a soft kiss.  
“Mmmm, you always ask when I have to close.”  
“Sorry, I have to go.” The writer leaves the older woman with one last peck on her forehead as she gets up and heads for the door.  
“As always.”

 

“You’re way ahead of schedule, Clarke and everyone has been very impressed with your work.”  
“Thank you, that’s nice to hear.”  
“I know the fellowship is good for up to two years, but since you’re on pace to finish early you do have the option to go home.” Clarke, wasn’t expecting him to suggest that as she figured she would stay at least the entire year. “Of course, we would rather you stay and work for us.” The blonde was surprised by the offer. “There’s work here. People are asking to collaborate with you, in Germany, Spain, Italy and England.” She collects herself to not sound overly excited.  
“Wow, I really appreciate your support and the opportunity.”  
“You deserve it.” And for once, she believed those words and she was for the first time in her life, proud of herself.  
“I will take this into serious consideration.”  
“Of course, it’s a big decision. But we want you, Clarke. You’re an incredible talent.”

 

“She would be so proud of you.” Nylah says catching the younger woman staring at one of her canvases. It was of two interwoven streaks of black and white composed of distinct brushstrokes that spiraled into the crashing of blues and greens.  
“Hmmm?” She forgot that she had explained the significance of the painting to her.  
“Your friend, Lexa.” Nylah has always known, as the two women had a way of sharing parts of themselves with one another. No judgments no expectations, exactly what both needed.  
“Oh. yeah.” Clarke didn’t want to linger, but she never denied it. The taller woman puts her arms around the writer who welcomes the embrace.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“My friends will be visiting me this weekend.” She pauses careful with how to proceed. “I would like you to meet them.”  
“Clarke, I’m not asking for anything more than tonight. That’s how I live.”  
“I know. But I’m asking for me, because I want you to.” She turns to the older woman keeping Nylah’s hands interlocked around her waist. She looks up with her eyes politely asking her lover to spend the entire weekend with her.  
“Ok. One night.” She nods with a smile before taking Clarkes lips into hers. “Now, let me show you how proud _I _am of you.” She says into her mouth eliciting a smile and whimper from the younger woman.__

____

 

“So, do we get to meet this Nylah chick tonight?” The rocket scientist asks.  
“You do, so please behave.”  
“What? Just because I’m team Lexa it doesn’t mean I can’t be nice.”  
“We are team Clarke before anything else.” Luna assures her.  
“We’re just enjoying each other’s company.”  
“She sounds great from what you’ve told us.” Luna says as she analyzes Clarke’s paintings.  
“She really is.”  
“And you’re happy?” The curly haired woman inquires stopped at one canvas in particular.  
“I can honestly say I am. I love my place, my work, my people.”  
“That’s all that matters.” Luna affirms. “I really like this one.” She holds up the piece and sets it on the table against the wall stepping back for the perfect angle.  
“Just don’t forget that we’re your people too.” The Latina remarks as she turns to look at the painting.  
“I would never.” Clarke realizes it’s the piece inspired by Lexa.  
“What’s this one called?” Luna asks already imagining a series for her gallery.  
“Sutra.”


	16. Yuanfen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!  
> Your kind words and sincere thoughts are appreciated!  
> I'm trying my best to finish before I go off the grid again in February. :-)

_Winter ___

____

_“Trust in yourself, Clarke.”_  
_“Why am I so afraid?” ___  
_“Because you know that something’s changing, you’re becoming.” ___  
_“Do I know that? Do I want that?” ___  
_“You feel it. It’s in you. I’ve seen it and it’s beautiful.” ___  
_“But the idea of leaving you physically makes me ill. My entire body feels like it may cry. Shouldn’t I listen to that?” The blonde’s fingers trail up and down the yogi’s thighs. ___  
_“Yes, of course. Deconstruct it, find the root. You know what it is.” The blonde knew exactly what it was. She fell in love with Lexa in a way that was new. She never knew she could feel this strongly for anyone and she didn’t want to let it go. ___  
_“Why did I have to meet you when I did?” ___  
_“You needed a fake girlfriend.” The blonde grins. ___  
_“What about you?” ___  
_“I needed someone to laugh at my jokes.” ___  
_“You’re not as funny as you think.” ___  
_“Funny enough.” Lexa kisses her cheek and runs her hands down her arms. ___  
_“This really sucks.” Clarke states frankly. ___  
_“It does, but we’ll be fine.” ___  
_“You better be right.” She says as she gently pinches the brunette’s thighs. ___  
_“I’m irrelevant. Trust yourself, beautiful.” ___  
_“Yeah, yeah, all wise one.” She mocks. ___  
_“Pain is temporary.” They lay in a silence that the blonde welcomes. “You’re special, Clarke. Open yourself up to unlimited potential of-” ___  
_“Can we talk about something else? The blonde asks with a tenderness that did things to the brunette. ___  
_“We don’t have to talk at all.” Clarke turns to her and smiles before pressing her lips to Lexa’s. ___

____

____

 

***

 

Summer

Lexa splashes cold water on her face before taking a moment to examine her reflection. It’s her way of reminding herself of who and what she is, a collection of matter concentrated in a figure, a form that is her body. She heads out to the kitchen and sits with Anya who has a warm glass of water waiting for her at the table. It was her only day off that week to help her cousin move in to Bellamy’s house. She enjoys every smooth current that flowed so easily down her throat on the hot summer day. 

“Yuan fen.”  
“Come again?”  
“It’s a saying in Chinese. It’s meaning is close to the idea of fate, but there’s no exact translation.”  
“I’m not following.”  
“It’s a proverb that explains how people come together based on their past lives and fate.”  
“Like karma?”  
“Kind of. For example, Indra was the first person I met when I moved out here and we immediately hit it off at a very exclusive lecture on psychology of meditation. We both knew immediately that we would be in each other’s life and everything after that proved it. And look at what we’ve built together. We have strong yuenfen”  
“Hhhmmm.” Anya is intrigued. “So it’s not just a term for lovers?”  
“Exactly, I mean it’s most popular use is for romantic relationships, but it’s a much broader concept. People often say their yuanfen wasn’t strong enough when they break up with someone.”  
“Sounds like an excuse.”  
“A poetic one.”  
“So, Bell and I have yuanfen.”  
“Yes, strong yuanfen indeed, there appears to be no logical explanation for this enigma.” Lexa says in a professorial tone. “Especially since you-aren’t-fun.” Anya is unable to hold back a chuckle as she playfully shoves her cousin’s shoulder.  
“So, how’s your yuanfen in this life.”  
“I think I’ve got pretty good yuanfen with select people in my life: you, Indra, Linc and Cla- yeah, no complaints.” Anya picked up on her hesitation and eases into the delicate topic.  
“You believe you and Clarke have yuanfen?”  
“We totally do. But not all yuanfen lasts.”  
“I think it will. I know that you think so too.”  
“We have to keep on living our own lives, otherwise it’s forcing things in an unnatural way and this is not yuanfen. It’s just not fun.”  
“I get you, cuz. I do. I admire your resolve, but not your puns.”  
“Liar, you love my puns.” Anya rolls her eyes at the younger woman.  
“Don’t forget about our house warming party next weekend.”  
“I won’t.”  
“Are you sure? I know you’ve been working like crazy lately and Indra is out of town for another week.”  
“It’s fine. I’ll make time for it, I promise.” Anya’s been worried about Lexa over working as a way to deal with missing Clarke. Even though her cousin is very open about her feelings with everyone and doesn’t feel uncomfortable hearing news about the blonde's life in France or talking about their situation, the older woman can’t help but keep a close eye on her as she always has. 

“There she is!” Rae pulls Lexa in for a hug and butt squeeze. “Nice to see you out of the studio, hottie.”  
“You too, Rae.” The brunette makes her way around to Luna, Anya and Bell.  
“Hey, Lex. It’s good to see you.” Luna says going into a warm embrace.  
“You look great, Luna.”  
“Here Lex, relax.” Bell says handing her a beer.  
“You’re too good to me.” She says kissing his cheek and taking the drink. She settles into the group atmosphere catching up with Luna who she saw the least of at the studio.  
“Oh! My work friends are here.” Rae announces reading a message from her phone. At that moment a dirty-blonde wearing sunglasses and short summer dress and a short, shaggy haired guy with asiatic features walked towards the group.  
“Everyone, this is Harper and Monty. Guys, this is everyone.” Monty waves with a shy grin.  
“Hi,” The girl says leaving a warm sensation in everyone resulting in a genuine fondness for Raeven’s colleague. She waves and takes note of Lexa. “I know you.” Lexa turns behind her shoulders to assure the girl was talking to her.  
“You’re Lexa from Sutra.”  
“Uh, yeah, I am.”  
“I’ve been to your café a few times and I did your New Year Challenge.”  
“Oh, wow, yeah, that’s why you looked familiar. Sorry, It was such a busy month. I-”  
“No worries. Monty and I failed the challenge, but I really liked your classes.”  
“You should come back. You don’t need a challenge to start fresh.”  
“We should. Rae keeps nagging us.” She turns to the rocket scientist who’s shameless.  
“You’re both new and it’s a great way to meet the ladies.”  
“Oh, so that’s what you’re doing at Echo’s 7:30pm flow.” Anya jokes.  
“I can’t help that women dig my wit and charm.” Anya turns to Luna.  
“I’m not worried, she’s not that charming.” Luna responds causing an uproar of laughter amongst the group. They’re interrupted by one of Bells’ coworkers.  
“Hey, boss. We’re starting the volleyball tourney. Are you playing?” He looks at his friends and back to his coworker.  
“Yes, I’ve got a team ready to go.”  
“Let the games begin!” The Latina announces.

Harper, Monty and Luna chat and watch the crew play. They dominated with ease between the Woods’ athleticism and Bell and Rae’s competitive enthusiasm and trash talk. Harper couldn’t help but stare at the yogi. There was an attraction there, and the young engineer hoped that it was mutual.

“So what’s Lexa’s story?” Harper asks her colleague.  
“Hottie’s off limits.” She responds.  
“Oh, so she’s seeing someone?”  
“It’s complicated. You don’t want to get caught up in the mess.”  
“Um, ok.” Harper was put off by the Latina’s patronizing tone.  
“Look, Lexa and Clarke have a weird ‘arrangement’.” She quotes with her fingers.  
“You mean, your Clarke, the one living in Paris?”  
“That’s the one.”  
“I see.”  
“What do you see?” Luna asks.  
“I was just explaining the Clexa situation, babe.”  
“As in, there is no situation.” Harper was confused.  
“So, they don’t have an ‘arrangement’?” The blonde asks repeating Raven’s gesture.  
“Correct. They’re both single. Although, I’m pretty sure Clarke is seeing someone.” Raven couldn’t believe what her wife was saying.  
“Are you kidding me? Babe, they are clearly in love and waiting for each other!”  
“They haven’t seen or talked to each other for over 7 months. They made it clear that they are free to do whatever they want.” Harper was becoming overwhelmed with the couple’s bickering.  
“Look, I don’t want trouble. Forget I asked.”  
“Good” the Latina agrees. “You don’t need dyke drama.” With that the Latina walks away in search of a beverage.  
“Don’t let her get to you. She’s just protective of Clarke.”  
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. I wouldn’t want to strain our work relationship for a crush.”  
“You won’t. Talk to Lexa, find out for yourself.” Luna suggests. Harper liked that idea. Her attraction to the brunette outweighed her trepidation evoked by Raven’s caution.

 

Fall

Lexa took a deep breath as she waited for Lincoln to catch up to her at the saddle. They had been running the trail for the past two hours and have reached the turning point. The yogi took advantage of the afternoon’s crisp autumn air and relentless sunshine in which she basked. She opened her eyes and took in the view as she stretched and elongated her muscles left to right. The overlapping contours of the mountains and extended to the horizon. It was silent, absent of noise from the distant city. She listened to the sound of the existence taking her to a place beyond the material realm. Peace. The moment ends with Lincolns footsteps ascending. He joins her and controls his breathing.

“As I was saying.”  
“Oh, were you talking? You were so far behind, I couldn’t hear you.” She teases.  
“Ha. ha. Our wedding date is set for next June in Mexico. We’re telling everyone tomorrow at Bell’s.”  
“You guys like updating people on this holiday. Huh?”  
“She gets Thanksgiving I get Christmas.”  
“I appreciate the early notice. I haven’t been in years. Where?”  
“O’s filming in the Yucatan in Spring so we’ll just extend our stay for a month.”  
“Makes sense.”  
“Yeah so, will you be able to make it for a week?”  
“A week?”  
“Yeah, we’re booking a resort for a week for our friends and family.”  
“I will definitely be there for the wedding, but I don’t know if I can go for a week.” Lincoln was disappointed not expecting that kind of reaction from his best friend who would be his best woman if they were having a traditional wedding. He can’t figure out why anyone would say no to a free week in paradise. The only plausible reason would be what he’s tried to avoid talking to his friend about.  
“Is it because of Clarke?” Lexa knew it would come up eventually.  
“Of course not. It’s just that Harper and I are going on a 2 week yoga retreat next month. It’s a lot of time off.”  
“Isn’t that why you have Indra?”  
“Yes, but we have a new project we’re starting for next year with at-risk teens. It’s just-“  
“Lex, please. This is my wedding, I only plan to do this once in this lifetime.” The brunette saw her friend’s sincerity in his eyes and heard it in his voice. She fest horrible for her panicked reaction. She came back to earth and realized how ridiculous her reasoning was. She would make it work.  
“Yeah, of course, Linc. I’ll be there.” This brings the biggest smile to his face. He picks her up and nearly crushes her bones in a bear hug. He puts her down and they head back. 

“So, will you be bringing Harper?”  
“Ha! Nice try. We’re just friends.”  
“You are going to India with her and Anya made it sound like you guys were together.”  
“We have a lot in common and we enjoy each other’s company.”  
“Ok, ok.” He puts his hands up surrendering as they make their way down the trail.  
“Are you sleeping with her?”  
“I’m not really attracted to her like that.”  
“From what I’ve heard she’s very much into you.”  
“I know, but I told her from the beginning.”  
“Does she know about Clarke?”  
“Yes, but that’s irrelevant. I’d sleep with Harper if I was into her like that or any other woman I felt a connection with.”  
“Yeah. So, have you?”  
“No one’s piqued my sexual interest. You know me, I’m not looking for anything. I’ve had my fair share of casual lovers and meaningless hookups.”  
“More than your fair share.”  
“Enough to last me in future lives.”  
“At this rate you’ll be a monk in your next couple of lives.” Lincoln says earning a hearty laugh from his friend.  
“Could be worse.”

Lexa dropped him off at Bell’s and headed home to shower before Luna’s annual Autumn exhibit. She was her plus one this year and was looking forward to the event featuring new talent from around the world. Also, she didn’t get much time with Luna, and she’s the only person with whom she feels the most comfortable asking about Clarke. The time of year made it more difficult not to think of the blonde. She was happy to know that the writer was doing well with work and had met someone to share Paris with. She arrives and makes her way around the exhibit slowly hoping she would run into Luna casually. She didn’t like walking past art without observation. 

“Hey, plus one.” Luna says walking up to the gorgeous woman she barely recognized without her yoga attire.  
“Luna! You look sensational.” Lexa says looking her over after kissing her cheek.  
“Thank you, so do you. So, have you been here a while?”  
“Not too long. I like what I’ve seen so far.”  
“Yeah, it’s quite the eclectic collection. I’m not sure how the public is taking it.”  
“It’s fantastic. I love the idea. Giving new artists the opportunity to showcase their work and receive criticism is so important to their creative growth.”  
“Thanks, Lex. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.”  
“Clarke would love this.”  
“She would, I wish she was here to write a positive review.” She says not completely joking.  
“Do you know if she’ll be back for Christmas?”  
“We talked last night actually. She’s planning to be home for Bell’s Christmas Party, but doesn't have an exact date.” They continue to the next room of paintings.  
“That’s great. Hopefully we won’t miss each other.” Lexa sees a central piece of the room and is immediately drawn to it.  
“When do you and Harper leave again?”  
“The week before Christmas. Cutting it close.”  
“I’ll mention it to her.”  
“No, please don’t. I’d rather it work itself out naturally.” The artist admired the yogi’s dedication to Buddhist and Taoist thought and teachings, never forcing or manipulating things to her will but rather allowing things to organically come to be. Following the way.  
“Sure, no problem.” She watches the brunette stare at the painting from various angles. She even let her get away with touching the artwork. The yogi was captivated by the work and could not stop staring at it.  
“This is fascinating. Look at these brush strokes.” Lexa says looking at the artist information. “Anonymous. Untitled.” She reads.  
“Yeah, I really love this one. There’s so much passion behind it, and initially I thought it was violent and aggressive but, then after a while I realized there was an underlying calm, a sort of peace.” Luna observes.  
“You’re right, it takes you through an intense process. These emotions are ineffable. I absolutely love it. Do you know the artist?”  
“I do, she’s local.”  
“You should encourage her to continue.”  
“I’m trying, I would like to feature her next year.” The two look at the painting in silence for a few more minutes before moving on.


	17. Home

October

“Well, princess. I gotta say, she’s hard not to like.”  
“I think she’s sweet.” Luna agrees with her wife surprised that she was being so accepting of Nylah.  
“She’s great, she’s a good…” Clarke pauses with no intention to continue her thought.  
“But what?”  
“I didn’t say anything.”  
“Come on, Princess out with it.” The latina insists.  
“Nothing. You are both correct.”  
“How’s the sex?”  
“Umm, it’s good. She’s skilled.”  
“But?” Rae continues to slowly but surely pull it out of her.  
“What do you want me to say?”  
“What you’re thinking.”  
“I’m thinking it’s late and we have a long day tomorrow.”  
“Agreed. Goodnight Clarke. Dinner was lovely and Nylah is wonderful. We’re happy for you.” Luna assures  
“But-”  
“No buts, babe. Lets go.” Luna pulls her wife off the couch and into the guest room.  
Clarke shakes her head and snickers at her best friend’s antics. That night she lays in bed and thinks about the evening. Nylah was a great friend and she cared about her but being around her friends made her think of Lexa. That night she allowed herself to miss the brunette without guilt, filling her thoughts with her words, voice, scent and touch. She was ok with it and she slept well comforted by this notion. 

 

December

“So, you will see her?”  
“I think so.”  
“You hope so.” The taller woman corrects the writer who doesn’t object. She continues to pack. “Are you nervous?”  
“I’m excited to see my family and friends.”  
“I mean to see Lexa.”  
“I don’t know. I’m not giving it too much thought.”  
“You’re a horrible liar, Clarke. It’s ok to be nervous.” The writer sits on the bed next to her.  
“It’s been a long time. I don’t know how to feel.”  
“I don’t think you need to know, you just need to feel.” Clarke smiles as the older woman gently cups her cheek and jaw with her right hand. “Tell her everything, she’ll be so happy to listen.”  
“Yeah, I’ve got a lot to say, to everyone.”  
“You’ll be fine, Clarke. You’re an incredible woman.” The writer kisses her hand and continues packing.  
“Thank you. You’re a good friend.”

 

Clarke arrives at Bellamy and Anya’s Christmas party at 11pm. She took an Uber straight from the airport. She let herself in wanting to surprise her friends who expected her on the weekend. A part of her also wanted a safe neutral ground to see Lexa for the first time. She had been anticipating the moment and decided it was best to meet casually with the rest of her friends so as to not have any expectations or added pressure of a planned encounter. 

She walks down the hall with a strange sensation, as if she were entering a set of a movie. She could hear Christmas music in the background, a cacophony of laughter and conversation. She took in the aroma of his home, it was familiar but there was a feminine scent that she caught and brought a smile to her face at the of Bell and Anya cohabitating. She walks by unknown faces and some acquaintances that were in the living room. Then she sees them as she had left them sitting around the kitchen island hysterically laughing at something her best friend had said. Bellamy notices her first.

“Holy shit! Princess?”  
“Nice to see you too, Bell.”  
“Oh my Goddess!” Rae cries. “Princess, you’re home!” She runs to her and gives her the biggest hug she’s ever given.  
“Hey, Rae.” Clarke was in tears. She had just seen Rae and Luna in October but to be back with her people in their space was overwhelming. Bellamy was next to hold her tight for a what seemed like minutes.  
“Princess, it’s good to have you back!”  
“I missed you, Bell.” She says a bit choked up. Anya was next.  
“Welcome back, Clarke.” She was glad to see her friend who had made her feel so welcomed from the first time she met Bell’s friends over a year ago.  
“I'm so glad you're sticking around, Anya.” She jokes causing both to chuckle.  
“Excellent timing, Clarke.” Luna says embracing her friend who knew she would make it, having received a text an hour earlier.  
“Something, I’ve been working on.” She sits with the group sipping a glass of red relaxing her from the long trip home.  
After fifteen to twenty minutes in the kitchen she catches a whiff of earthly tones of patchouli and lavender. The writer turns and sees Lexa in the sitting room with Indra and other familiar faces from Sutra. The brunette’s eyes wandered towards her direction but didn’t realize that it was Clarke until the blonde stood up and made her way towards her. Indra realized that she was not listening to a word she was saying and turned to find out why.  
“Ladies, let’s get a refill on the eggnog.” She suggests to Echo and Emori, their two instructors who had started with them from the beginning. They walk away and look on from the kitchen with the others fully intrigued by the situation.

Lexa was surprised but delighted to see the beautiful blonde that approached her in leather stiletto boots black tights, grey sweater and blue and grey scarf that fell down to her knees. Clarke’s entire body was trembling as she did her best to gracefully make her way across the room to the woman who seemed more beautiful than she remembered. Standing with a scotch at hand, wearing black leather oxfords, cropped plaid trousers, black shirt tucked in and grey blazer. 

“Hey, you.” She says with a big smile.  
“Clarke.” Lexa beamed at the sight of the writer who was radiating with glee. She sets down her drink and takes a step to meet her and they sink into each other’s arms so easily without tension. They were home. Clarke breathes in her essence and closes her eyes. The brunette pulls her closer feeling her warmth and becoming reacquainted with her heartbeat still evoking the same sensations as the first night they met. “I can’t believe you’re here. Rae said you weren’t coming until the weekend.”  
“I wanted to surprise them.” The blonde says as they finally part.  
“You look great, Clarke.” Lexa manages still in awe.  
“You look stunning.” The blonde said overwhelmed with emotions. “It’s so good to see you.”  
“You too. Paris is treating you well?”  
“It’s just like you said. And you’re doing well?”  
“I am. It’s been a good year. So how long will you be in the states?”  
“A couple of weeks. I’m heading back on the 28th. I’ll be staying with Rae and Luna until Christmas.”  
“Your family will be thrilled to see you.”  
“I am too. We should get together.” The blonde inadvertently blurts out.  
“I’m actually, leaving in two days.” Clarke was devastated by the news but managed to keep it to herself.  
“Oh, where to?”  
“India for two weeks.”  
“Wow. Will Sutra survive without you?”  
“I think Indra will manage. She had two weeks in July so now it’s my turn.”  
“That’s great, Lex. You deserve it.”  
“I’m looking forward to it. I’ll see my yoga community and guru. It’s been a long time.”  
“Well we should have dinner tomorrow, before you go. I mean if you-” The brunette cuts her off.  
“I would love to, Clarke, but I have a lot to do before I leave.” It cut like a knife but the blonde has acquired new skin in the past year, thicker, stronger.  
“Oh, yeah, of course. No worries it’s-”  
“But how about lunch? You can come to the café.” Lexa tried not to sound too eager but she knew that she probably failed. Clarke enlivened by the unexpected invitation.  
“Well, let me check my schedule.” She responds facetiously as she looks to her phone.  
“Yes, I forgot that you are a very busy, very important person.” The brunette says playing along.  
“I guess I can fit you in if I move my afternoon nap and delay my happy hour.” Lexa chuckles.  
“Or just cancel your siesta.”  
“No way, that is non-negotiable.”  
“I know how inconvenient that is, I appreciate you making time. I mean at this point we’re looking at a 6pm start to happy hour.”  
“Cutting it close.”  
“It’s a good thing you know the owner.”  
“Good thing for you” Clarke quips.  
“The French are rubbing off on you.”  
“Please, this wit is all American.” Lexa laughs and both have comfortably fallen into a familiar comfort zone, something that resembles friendship, but with those two, there’s always been more.  


Their banter is interrupted by Harper, who puts her hand on the yogi’s spine.  
“There you are. I was looking for you.” She looks to Clarke knowing exactly who she was.  
“Hey, Harper this is Clarke.” Lexa says introducing the two women.  
“Hi Clarke. It’s a pleasure. Raeven talks about you all the time.” Clarke didn’t sense any spite or any negativity from the girl.  
“Hi, Harper. Nice to meet you.” They shake hands and there was no tension between them. Nevertheless, Clarke was curious to know about their connection. _She knows her friends. Are they together? Friends? Casual? Who was she to Lexa? ___  
“Well, I hope to see you around.” The younger girl looks to Lexa. “Are you ready? You have a 5:30 tomorrow.” _So, she knows her schedule and they appear to be leaving together. _Clarke deduces.__  
“Oh, yeah.” Lexa says looking at her phone. “I lost track of time.”  
“I’ll wait for you in the car” Harper says. “Welcome back, Clarke. Happy Holidays.”  
“You too, Thanks.” Lexa turns to Clarke.  
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow at noon?”  
“Yes, of course.”  
“I’m so happy to see you, Clarke.”  
“You too, Lex.” The brunette pulls her in for a warm hug that Clarke wants to last longer than it does.  
“Goodnight. Don’t drink too much. I want coherent Clarke not hungover/jetlagged Clarke.” She earns a chuckle from the writer.  
“You’ve met my friends” she says relinquishing blame.  
“You’re right. I’ll take what I can get.” Clarke playfully pushes her off on her way and watches Lexa playfully skip towards the door where Indra, Echo and Emori were waiting. The writer shakes her head with a grin and turns to her friends in the kitchen who were not discrete about watching the their reunion.

_____ _

___ _

"So, lunch tomorrow?" Raven asks her best friend who was already comfortably laying in bed under the covers. She was exhausted but was enjoyed her friend's presence.  
"Yes, lunch."  
"Are you nervous?"  
"More excited than nervous."  
"That's a good sign."  
"I think so, I'm just really happy to spend time with her."  
"Don't worry about Harper, they're just friends."  
The blonde was relieved to hear it, but still curious. "I'm not worried. I want her to be happy."  
"You two are ridiculous." The blonde buries herself further into her covers too tired to have this conversation with the rocket scientist.  
"Goodnight."  
"Ok, but only because I know you've got a big day tomorrow."  
"Thanks, Rae. Love you."  
"Love you too. Welcome home, Princess." 


	18. Lunch

Clarke goes to Sutra early and sits at the table where they had their first fake girlfriend meeting. She looked around to observe the space as she sipped her coffee. She was happy to see that her friend’s business was doing well. This was all an expression of Lexa, her way of connecting with the world. She starts mindlessly drawing a random design in her notebook until she hears the class released and people starting to make their way out to the café. She hears Lexa’s laugh and smiles as she watches the yogi joke with her students on her way out of the studio. The yogi sees the blonde by the window and can’t help but smile as she walks in her direction.

“Hey, you.” The blonde stands up and embraces the yogi.  
“Hi. Sorry, I stink.” Clarke sniffs her hair and neck.  
“You know I like your yoga funk.”  
“You are a rare bird.” The writer chuckles as they take a seat. Lexa notices her notebook. “Look at that, you’re doodling.”  
“Yeah, I picked up few hobbies.”  
“You’re a doodler now.” The brunette has a hard time keeping a straight face causing both women to giggle. “Do you mind?” She asks reaching for her notebook after composing herself. The blonde slides it towards her friend who was intrigued.  
“They’re pretty random sketches.” The yogi was impressed with the intricacies of the designs and the totality that the random figures and patterns created.  
“Wow, Clarke, these are really fascinating.” She turns the page and sees some freeform and concrete poetry with her designs. “You’re writing poetry?”  
“I’m a hack. Just trying new ways to use language.”  
“This is great. You’re really exploring yourself.”  
“I wanted to see how the right side of my brain was holding up after years of being dormant.”  
“I like it. Keep going, this is really good.”  
“It’s more of a meditation than anything else.”  
“Whatever it is, it’s beautiful.”  
“Thank you.” Lexa smiles to herself noticing that the writer has learned to accept complements with grace rather than continue to undermine herself. “What about you? Pick up any new languages? Master another instrument?”  
“Ha! I’ve been reading a lot, but besides that, I’ve been pretty caught up with work.”  
“Mom and Dad mentioned that you started working with at risk teens this summer.”  
“Yeah, it’s a lot of paperwork and training to work with youth, but it’s worth it. Indra and I will start our afterschool program this January.” The blonde was amazed.  
“That’s so inspiring, Lex. You’re doing a lot of good.”  
“I’m trying. It’s not easy, but incredibly rewarding.” The writer wondered if she would get to the point in her life where she was giving back. Over the summer, she was starting to contemplate more on the importance of connecting. Through her interactions on a daily basis with strangers and regulars at cafés, locals and acquaintances from her neighborhood, the writer is slowly realizing that people matter. She understood Lexa’s commitment to community building in such an isolating and self-serving culture.

“What about you? Luna told me you finished your translations.”  
“I did. I found my rhythm early on.”  
“That’s great! So, what does that mean for you?”  
“Well, they offered me a job at the editorial in Paris. They have work lined up for me for the next year. ” Lexa was not expecting that.  
“Wow. Congratulations.” She sounded less thrilled than she had intended.  
“I’ll be living in Paris and Barcelona for the first project that starts in January.”  
“That’s amazing, Clarke.”  
“It all kind of just happened. I didn’t ask or pursue any of it.”  
“That’s how the magic works, you’re in synch.” Lexa was so proud of the writer. She knows how hardworking and dedicated she is to her craft. More importantly, Clarke was making decisions without second guessing herself and has opened her life up to the endless possibilities. Nevertheless, a small part of her was thinking that maybe the blonde would return the following year. Deep down, she knew that she would continue working and pursuing other opportunities, it only makes sense. Knowing this doesn’t make the reality hurt less, not even for Lexa.  
“Thanks, Lex. I’m really grateful for the opportunities.” The blonde doesn’t allow much of a pause, knowing their time was limited. 

“So, tomorrow you leave for India?”  
“Yeah, Harper and I are flying out tomorrow night.”  
“Oh, you’re not going alone.”  
“Yeah, she really loves my classes and wants to learn from my guru.” The blonde listens intently while allowing her inner voice to be a smart-ass. _She's more interested in you more than your classes. She wants lessons from you, not your guru. ___  
“She seems nice. You guys must be pretty close to be traveling together.”  
“We hit it off right away. We have a lot in common.”  
“Really? Like what exactly?” She hoped it didn’t come out in a contentious tone.  
“We’re both really into metaphysics. I mean she studies the Universe for a living. Isn’t that the coolest thing ever?”  
“That is impressive.”  
“Yeah, we spend hours talking about time, dimensions and gravity. It’s awesome!” Clarke found the yogi’s geekiness to be adorable. She was happy for her friend but at the same time she couldn’t help but feel a bit envious of Harper. Lexa was sharing parts of her life with the younger girl, parts that Clarke hasn’t had a chance to know. _She _wants to talk to Lexa for hours about theories and things that mattered to her. This was natural. Of course they would share themselves with others, but understanding it was one thing and feeling the emotions that accompanied it was another. “That’s great.” The blonde says while conjuring up a pathetic excuse for a smile.__

_____ _

The yogi noticed her lack of enthusiasm. She considered putting her at ease by clarifying that they were only friends, but refrained for it was irrelevant. They were free to do what and who they liked. Her thoughts start to drift to Clark and her lover. Instead she changed the subject because God knows if she didn’t, her curiosity would lead to asking about Nylah. Lexa was not ready for that, not yet. She looks at her phone realizing they haven’t even ordered food.  
“Well, we should eat.”

The writer tells Lexa everything about Paris. She tells her how she learned to love the rain and cold in winter, how she took time to be still and silent in the parks, how she would get lost in the streets of different neighborhoods and the people that changed her way of being in the world. Nevertheless, Clarke manages to withhold the fact that she spent a good portion of those moments imagining the experiences with the brunette. She found that it would serve no one to verbalize it. Lexa held on to every word imagining the writer's day to day, shedding her old skin and evolving into the woman that sat before her.

“God, sorry. I’ve just been talking your ear off.” Lexa puts her hands over her ears.  
“Nope, they’re still attached” she replies earning a grin and head shake from the blonde. “Don’t apologize, I asked.” She looks out the window and sees people starting to enter the studio. Clarke follows her gaze and she knows that her time was up. She would have to give Lexa back to her people. The writer had been so caught up with the anticipation of their meeting that it just dawned on her that she was not at all prepared for their parting.

“It looks like, you’ll get to keep your ears today.” The brunette offers a smile to ease the blonde’s hurt.  
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be, you have to go. That’s wh-” The blonde stops to collect her emotions. “That’s what matters, people and sutra.”  
“You matter too, Clarke.” Lexa says swallowing her feelings. “Oh, before I forget, here.” She hands the writer a tarnished paperback book. The blonde feels the tattered text that had lived a few lifetimes.  
“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” The blonde was overwhelmed.  
“I found it at a secondhand bookstore. One of the books I read this summer. It made me think of you.” Clarke walks to her wrapping her arms so tightly around the brunette to convey everything she wanted to tell her: to stay with her, to be her real girlfriend, to make it work somehow. Lexa closes her eyes to keep from breaking out into tears as her heart beats so hard that she thinks it may literally break.  
“Lex, I don’t want to say goodbye.”  
“Then don’t.” And with that, they let go, both exhaling deeply as to release all of their contradictory emotions and reasoning. The yogi slowly backs away before completely turning around walking back to her studio where she turns on her public performance for her people.

Clarke gathers her notebook and gift to put in her canvas bag.  
“You know, there’s this thing called facetime and skype where people can see and talk to each other while living in different parts of the world.” She looks up to see the yogi who takes her arm to write her number on the blonde’s hand.  
“Is that so?”  
“That’s what the kids are saying.”  
“I’ll have to look into that.”  
“If a college drop-out can figure it out, I think you’ll be fine Dr. Griffin.” Clarke can’t help but laugh at the brunette. “I’m old fashion myself, so I’d settle for a text message every now and then.” Lexa continues.  
“I’ll take what I can get.”


	19. New Year

January

“So, you didn’t tell her.”  
“She didn’t ask.”  
“So she doesn’t know about us?”  
“No. We have our lives to live.”  
“If you say so, Clarke.” The older woman was concerned for the writer but also knew that it was her decision. Clarke looks at her phone, it was only 11 but she was ready to make an exit. Since she returned she’s kept to herself wanting time alone to acclimate and reset for the upcoming changes in her life. “You aren’t going to make it to midnight.” Nylah states.  
“Not tonight. I have to get going.” The writer gets up and she follows her to the door.  
“Do you want me to call you a cab?”  
“It’s ok, I feel like walking a while. Thank you, it was a good night.” She assures her friend with a warm squeeze of her shoulders. “Don’t worry, go back to your friends.”  
“Happy New Year, Clarke” The taller woman leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek followed by a long hug.  
“Happy New Year, Nylah.”  


The writer bundled up tight sinking deeper into her coat as she walked through the brisk air of the oldest night. The streets were illuminated with lights. Most people were celebrating with loved ones and some were on their way to. She takes her time reflecting on the year and her journey and what was to come in the next. She boils water for some tea when she gets home. She wasn’t tired, quite the opposite, there was a knot in her brain that needed to be unraveled and words would not suffice. So, she turns to a blank canvas and releases the clumps of emotions and thoughts that have been lingering within since her visit home. She doesn’t sleep running on pure uninhibited creative fervor well into daylight.  


Around 7am she starts receiving texts from her family and friends in America. Heartwarming messages from her parents and selfies of Rae and the kru. But no sign of Lexa in any of the photos. The yogi was tired from her trip and one day was not enough time to recuperate before entering the chaos of New Years. She took care of her introverted needs and stayed home playing her guitar and journaling. She had would teach in the morning starting a new year with those with intentions of starting fresh and fulfilling their resolutions. Lexa loved the cyclical nature of time, every year, season, month, day is a blank canvas.  
She turns in before midnight laying comfortably in bed reading _Lotus Sutra. _Not long after she receives a message and reaches for her phone.  
__

____

_Clarke: Happy New Year, Lex! Let’s make it a good one. ___  


Lexa’s heart drops to her stomach as every hair on her body rises. How the blonde could have this effect on her from thousands of miles away baffles the brunette.  


_Lexa: Happy New Year, Clarke! Like dark chocolate good? ___  
_Clarke: Like 78% cacao good. ___  
_Lexa: Ooohhh, that's really good, but we can try. _  
__

___It’s amazing how words could affect the writer’s entire being so drastically. Clarke was all smiles as she sips her tea looking at her paintings. Lexa would sleep well and both would start a new year with the feeling of something beautiful in the works._ _ _

____

_____ _

____

 

May

“How was the fundraiser?”  
“Oh, Honey it was fantastic! Beyond what was expected. All of your father’s friends, connections, those with an interest in the city’s public school systems and Universities were there. The mayor made an appearance. Everyone was so impressed with Sutra and the team.”  
“I knew it would be a success.” Jake interrupts jumping into the screen. “The way that Lexa moved the audience with her speech was extraordinary.”  
“She seemed a bit nervous when I talked to her last.” Clarke says, relieved to hear that the yogi, as she had expected, shined in the spotlight.  
“We couldn’t tell. I mean the way she told Sutra’s story and connecting it with the project’s objective was so inspiring. Then the jokes, I mean the room was roaring with laughter one minute and holding back tears the next.” Jake continues. “I’ve heard a lot of speeches in my time, she’s got it, that thing. She’s a remarkable individual.”  
“Just her presence alone commanded a certain attention. So eloquent, compelling yet unassuming, sincere and so humble.”  
“That’s a nice list of adjectives, Mom.” Clarke says grinning.  
“That’s your field not mine.” Her mother retorts before continuing to gush about the event. “Oh, and then one of the kids she had been working with last year shared her testimony and it brought everyone to tears.” Clarke was moved by how Lexa had reached the hearts of so many. There are so many different manifestations of love and the yogi seems to understand the value of experiencing all of it. The writer was grateful for this lesson.  
“Tell her about the gift, Abby.” Jake calls from beyond the phone screen.  
“Oh, that’s right. After her speech, Luna presented her with a painting from a local artist who heard about her organization and knew that Lexa had an interest in her work.”  
“Really? Wow, that’s a nice gesture.”  
“Incredibly thoughtful, the artist titled the piece _Sutra _, but signed it as anonymous.” Clarke smiles with a warm feeling of somehow being connected to the yogi, specially at such an important moment in her life.__

____

 

February

“I can’t believe how quickly the word is spreading.” Anya exclaims looking the attendance log for the Sutra project.  
“I know, it’s only been a month, and our last 4 sessions have been full. I’d hate to turn anyone away” Lexa responds.  
“We’ll just have to offer more sessions throughout the week” Indra concludes.  
“I just don’t want it to be too much too soon. We still have our businesses to run.”  
“We can hire more instructors.”  
“That requires dinero that we don’t have readily available.”  
“You know, Jake is just waiting to write you two a check.” Anya reminds the two women trying to come up with a solution to a problem they were grateful to have.  
“We know. I just don’t want him to think I’m taking advantage.”  
“He would never think that about you.” Anya clarifies as Indra looks to Lex.  
“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I’ll ask Clarke what she thinks” she says bringing relief to Indra’s face.  


“How is Clarke?”  
“Great! She moved to Barcelona a few weeks ago to work on a new translation.”  
“She seemed to like her place in Paris.” Anya says.  
“She does, it’s still her main base. She just doesn’t know where the next project will take her.  
“It seems like you two have figured it out.” Indra says.  
“Yeah, we’re happy to be back in each other’s lives.”  
“As friends or-?” Indra was curious, knowing that Lexa’s behavior and mood has been uplifted since the new year.  
“Friends, Indra. I respect what she has with Nylah.”  
“Nylah?” her cousins asks in utter confusion.  
“Yeah, her lover.”  
“You really are out of touch, cuz.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“That ended before she came to visit in December.” The yogi was stunned to hear the news. “She didn’t tell you?”  
“Um, no.” Why would she, the brunette never asked and for the blonde to bring it up out of nowhere would have been assuming and unwarranted.  
“Well, I guess Raven did have to pull it out of her at Christmas” her cousin says thinking back. “Anyway, they’re just really good friends.” Lexa’s entire body perked up.  
“Does that change anything?” Indra asks knowingly.  
Lexa’s answer was still no, that they’re just friends. But hell, she was at least going to amp up her flirtation and throw in some sexual innuendos that she’s been censoring. 

 

April

“How’s your Catalan coming?”  
Lexa asks as she put her phone on speaker to make her breakfast. “It’s getting there. The people are great they have spunk.”  
“Nothing you can’t handle.”  
“Not at all, I love it. The author is quite a character. He introduced me to some of his writer friends. It’s really been a surreal experience.”  
“I imagine it’s helping you with the language.” It was the only way that the yogi ever learned language was from embodying the character of the native and becoming engrossed in their space, movements, gestures and inflections. A grand performance she thoroughly enjoyed. Clarke’s strength was writing and the oral reproduction of language was more of a challenge but she found that she has come a long way taking more risks and being more playful in her interactions since moving abroad.  
“Definitely. One of his friends is interested in having a book of poems translated but no one will work with him.”  
“Why not.”  
“He has specific demands and most translators are used to working autonomously and waiting for feedback from the editor.”  
“Sure, that makes sense you don’t want the author’s attachment to the work to affect the translation.”  
“Yeah, but this writer wants someone to spend time with him in his home town and to collaborate very closely with the translator.” Lexa was intrigued.  
“Interesting.”  
“I’m very attracted to the idea. A new process, a new genre. I’ve never translated poetry.”  
“I think it’s fantastic, you should totally do it.”  
“Well, I’m not there yet. It was just mentioned. It could also be a nightmare.”  
“Let the magic happen. Where does he live?”  
“Valparaiso.”  
“Ahh, Chile, the country of poets.”  
“At least I’ll be back on that side of the pond.”  
“You can brush up on your Español in Mexico.” A jolt of energy rushed through Clarke's body at the thought of actually being with Lexa again in the same place for an entire week.


	20. Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, all for reading and staying with me!  
> Almost there :-)

Mexico  
Day 2

“Shit! Ugh! So close!” Lexa groans.  
“Keep on trying kids” Anya gloats with an amused grin on her face.  
“What are you guys up to?” Clarke asks joining Anya, Lexa, Lincoln and his best friend Nyko at the lobby.  
“Playing this stupid game that one of her students recommended.” Lincoln says without looking up. Clarke looks to Nyko for an explanation.  
“Anya holds the record and none of us have even come close.”  
“She doesn’t even try.” Lexa pouts.  
“Maybe you’re trying too hard.” Clarke suggests trying to get the brunette’s attention.  
“No! I had it!” She drops the phone on her lap and dramatically throws her body back on the couch.  
She then looks up and sees what the blonde was wearing and swallows hard. Lexa’s jaw slightly drops at the sight of Clarke’s toned calves, her eyes run up her legs to her casual white dress that fell just shy of her knees, with a V neck showcased her sizeable chest. “Ummm…” Lincoln tilts her chin up to shut her jaw trying to help his friend out. The brunette snaps out of it and stands up. “Clarke, hey.”  
“Hi,” Clarke was equally mesmerized at the sight of Lexa’s striped linen pants that seemed to elongate her legs even more with a white tank top that revealed a bit of her toned abs.  
“You two are hopeless” Anya comments causing both women to blush.  
“Where is everyone?” Clarke asks to redirect the attention.  
“They’re at dinner already. We’re just waiting on your people” Lincoln says now playing on Lexa’s phone.  
"Our people now" the writer corrects.

Clarke was hoping to get some time alone with the yogi before the incursion of their friends and family at dinner. Yesterday, they barely had a chance to talk with the ceremony, Lexa’s unofficial best woman duty she shared with Nyko and Clarke’s unofficial role as Octavia’s bridesmaid. The yogi spent most of the reception catching up with Lincoln’s family whom she hasn’t seen in over a decade, yet both were aware of the other’s gaze throughout the night. They were able to share at least one dance that was interrupted halfway by one of Lincoln's little cousins that was infatuated with the blonde. This morning people were slow to rise except for Lexa and Abby who went for a run on the beach while Clarke and her friends nursed their hangovers at the pool. Tonight, Clarke would get her time. She acts quick and turns to Lexa as she hears Bell and Raven’s laughter.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” The brunette doesn’t hesitate and nods.  
“You guys go ahead. We’ll see you there” she exhales in one quick breath while taking Clarke’s wrist and pulling her towards the exit. The blonde smiles at Lexa having the same thoughts.

“Did you miss me or something?”  
“Maybe a little. I was rudely interrupted by a suspicious young man last night if you recall."  
“Ah yes, that 6 year old that stole me away.  
“I noticed the heart eyes he was giving you. I don’t trust him."  
“Are you jealous or something?”  
“Wouldn’t be the first time with you.” Lexa makes her move and interlaces her fingers with the blonde’s sending sparks up her spine that electrified her entire body. The yogi noticed her goosebumps that evoke her own.  
“How was your run with Abby?”  
“It was incredible. The shore just goes on forever and your mom totally kicked my ass.”  
“Well, your scotch fest from last night probably didn’t help.”  
“It tends not to, but I survived.” The two women walked along the coast watching the tide seep into the shore taking in the distant horizon. They were mesmerized by the gradation of clean undulating streaks in the hot summer sky. Clarke was overwhelmed by the moment as she fixes her gaze at the sea. Lexa notices that she was affected and wraps her arm around her waist to hold her close.  
“Are you ok?”  
“Yeah, it’s just... so beautiful. And you’re here, to share it with me.” The brunette smiles feeling the same way. “I’ve missed you so much.” The writer wipes a few tears from her cheek. “Ahhh, sorry. I’m just-”  
“I missed you too, Clarke.” The blonde turns to her and hugs her. Both are content to remain enveloped in the other’s embrace.  
“Lex.”  
“Yeah?”  
“I want this with you every day.”  
“One day, the stars will align.”  
“Why not now?” Lexa didn’t know the answer, but she knew it couldn’t be, not yet.  
“We’re not there yet.” The writer knew that, but hearing it was hard. She holds her tighter.  
“When will we get there?”  
“I don’t know, but we’re here now.” Lexa looks into her eyes, those iridescent blue pearls. “I really want to kiss you.”  
“So kiss me” the blonde says staring deep into those emerald gems.  
“I just don’t want you to think that-” Before the brunette could finish Clarke pulls her in to meld their lips. Lexa welcomes the gentle caress and pulls her deeper, tongues collide, lips overlap and arms grasp firmly along their backs. Unyielding, they give each other as much as they can at that moment. They slowly part leaving soft traces on swollen lips. 

After months of playful texting and meaningful phone conversations, the two finally expressed themselves in ways that words never could.  
“Wow” Clarke breathes.  
“Yeah, I know” the brunette grins. “That was-”  
“Dark chocolate’s got nothing on those lips.” The yogi chuckles.  
“Come on, beautiful. Our family’s waiting.” Clarke is elated to hear her say those words. It’s almost strange after more than a year, but the effect is the same. They walk hand in hand back to their people.

Day 3

“Is there a way to turn her off?” the brunette asks putting the pillow over her head abruptly woken by the pounding on their door.  
“Trust me I’ve tried.” The blonde pulls her closer as she presses her backside against the brunette’s warm body. The yogi was immediately stimulated at contact with her little spoon and reaches for a supple nipple eliciting a deep moan from the blonde who turns her head to meet the yogi’s lips.  
“Let’s go you sex fiends! You can sleep when you’re dead!” The Latina barges into the room and jumps on the bed. Lexa pulls the sheets over her body as she sits up against the headboard in a panic, leaving Clarke mid kiss and moan.  
“Damn it, Rae!” Clarke’s frustration was not subtle.  
“Did I interrupt something?” she asks unfazed, making herself comfortable.  
“How did you get in?”  
“I have a card.”  
“Ugh! You’re room tonight” the blonde directs to the brunette who was still in shock with the Latina sitting next to her. 

 

They spent their final day together on an excursion to the ruins with their people. Rae and Lexa geeked out sending pictures to Harper with notes on Mayan astronomical findings. The rest scattered on their own leaving Clarke time with Luna and Octavia. 

“This has been the best vacation that I’ve taken in a long time.” The writer announces after taking in deep breaths of the fresh air.  
“Somebody slept well.” O says observing Clarke’s uncharacteristically cheerful mood.  
“Or not enough.” Luna suggests. The blonde smiles to herself. “Spill it!”  
“What?” She asks mischievously.  
“You know what. The fact that wifey is $100 richer than she was when we woke up is telling.” Clarke withholds a little longer.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“Telling that my brother is a horrible gambler, and that you and Lexa did the nasty” O finally blurts out.  
“Oh, right, that happened, didn’t it?” She was all smiles.  
“So, what does this mean?” O asks.  
“That we didn’t get enough sleep.” Both roll their eyes in response.  
“Are you guys finally back together or what?” O demands.  
“Um, we’re just enjoying the moment and I’m pretty sure we were never officially together.”  
“Why not establish something concrete?”  
“As in labeling it?”  
“As in setting parameters for the relationship. Whether you call it anything or not, you’re in a relationship” O states matter of factly.  
“The only label and only parameters are that of friendship. Besides that, we are free.”  
“Ugh! You two are sooooo annoying.”  
“Sorry you feel that way.”  
“Aren’t you tired of this in between world?”  
“Sure, sometimes, but we’re not there yet.”  
“Do you know when you’ll come back home?” Luna asks.  
“All I know is that I will be in Chile in a few weeks and that I will miss Lexa very much.” She looks in the brunette's direction who was listening intently to one of the guides.  
“I gotta say, Princess. I’m impressed. Old Clarke would never have been this chill about the unknown.”  
“Thank you, Luna. It’s been a process.”  
“More power to you.” O mocks not trusting this new version of Clarke. So passive and confident in leaving things to chance.  
“I don’t know, I just, believe in us.”  
“That’s all good and fine, Clarke, but she’s a catch. Women want a piece of that.” The three women are now looking on at their significant others.  
“As they should.”  
“I’m just saying, better put a ring on it, like me.” Clarke let’s out a loud guffaw at the thought and Luna joins her. Both know the younger girl was being ridiculous to make a point.  
“Laugh all you want, but there is no way I’m leaving that shit up to the universe. Have you seen my husband?”  
“We have. Good thing you locked that shit down.” Clarke mocks.  
“What about you Lun?” O turns to the curly haired woman to back her up.  
“I just got tired of her asking.” At this point all three women were roaring with laughter.  
“Look, if she wants what these women, that you mention, have to offer she is free to pursue her happiness.”  
“Who are you and what have you done with my Clarke?” O asks dumbfounded by her friend’s new outlook of life. Where is the neurotic, perfectionist, goal setting, life planning control freak that has taught the younger girl how to take control of her life?  
“I like this version of you” Luna assures her friend.

 

“Lex.”  
“Hmmm?”  
“Where do we go from here?”  
“Far away, somewhere between the mountains and the sea.”  
“Leaving a lot of wiggle room huh?”  
“I like to keep my options open.”  
“I wish you weren’t going so soon”  
“I know, it’s hard to leave everyone, to leave you.” Lexa wanted to stay the full week but could only manage 4 days.  
“We should be used to it by now.”  
“You’d think.”  
“It’s harder.”  
“If it was easy, everyone would do it.”  
“God, are we masochists?”  
“That’s something we can explore once we live in the same city.” The blonde pinches the yogi’s butt.  
“Ouch!”  
“You’d like that wouldn’t you.”  
“With you, I’ll try anything” the brunette responds earning a giggle from the naked woman she held in her arms. “When do you head south?”  
“July.”  
“It’s winter in July.”  
“I wish you could come with me, keep me warm.”  
“I would want nothing more.”  
“We can try.” 

Both knew it would be another long stretch without seeing each other. Reality was that they had no plans or dates to work with. Everything was up in the air with Clarke and Lexa was firmly fixed on the ground with her business and non-profit. So, they kept each other close, siphoning every ounce of affection they’ve held onto for months within their 4 days together. It started with their gazes in the midst of their friends and family, to their usual flirtation, to finally having time alone to share their first kiss, again. Then their shameless display of intimacy around their people lead to the long nights of rediscovering their bodies, falling deeper than they ever imagined into first light. Sleep ensued but only for brief moments, disturbed by their people requiring their presence for the days’ planned events. But, they’ll take what they can get.

 

Chile

It was a nightmare, a translator’s nightmare. She had done an impromptu translation of a poem per request of the author who threw Clarke’s work into the fire, the only fire that warmed the small cottage hidden in the wilderness. Apparently, the author has a lovely home on the coast in Valparaiso, but insisted on spending the winter in his second home in the mountains. An isolated cabin in the Andes that Clarke would endure for two months, no wifi, limited electricity and water with a curmudgeon old man that called himself a poet. His spoken English was minimal so they bickered in his native tongue.

“This is garbage.” The blonde was speechless.  
“I worked really hard on that.”  
“You’re betraying my words.”  
“Well, I _am _a translator.”__  
“Your mind is too western, you’ve been colonized.”  
“Aren’t we all?” He sneers.  
“It’s no good. Decolonize it. Start with that.” He hands her a book that seemed so familiar. That’s all that the blonde needed, an old white man telling her to undo symbolic violence that western culture and language has imposed on her as a queer woman. She examines the book and realizes, that she’d seen this before. She leaves it on the table as she goes to her room. Moments later she returns with an identical text, older and more worn that she hands to the man. He opens it and skims through.  
“Where did you find this?”  
“It was a gift.”  
“This is very beautiful.” He was captivated. “Did you read it?”  
“Not yet, I’ve been waiting for the right time.”  
“Now is the time. Tomorrow we talk about it.” This changed something for both writers. The poet’s cynicism and doubt seemed to dissipate as he sat there entranced by the fire. Suddenly Clarke didn’t feel so alone, no matter where their paths lead them, she and Lexa were inexplicably bound.


	21. Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been an amazing experience.  
> Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing it with me!  
> Until next time :-)

Winter in July

Days turned into weeks and Clarke was yet to translate a word of the poet’s book. She hasn’t contacted her friends or family since their departure from the city which was her only chance to let them know that she would be off the grid for a few months. The writers have spent their days carrying out tasks necessary to maintain the cabin and sustain their basic needs of food, drink and warmth. Every day they would read a text out loud. The poet would ask her to interpret the meaning and their discourse would go on from there. Clarke allowed herself to fully immerse in his space, the cabin, the mountains, the lakes, trees, the cold, the snow, the sun. 

She got past her initial fear and shock after a week and found a flow to her days. She felt her brain opening up even further and her senses enhanced. She felt sensations more keenly than ever and she was starting to make connections, create uncommon metaphors and employ synesthesia to describe her feelings, emotions, and thoughts. She continued her sketches and poetry to pass time and to record her experience. She was reframing her perception and the way she absorbed the external world. It was beautiful.

“Can you hear it?” The man asks looking at the woman who was taking a moment to admire the mountains. “The mountains, they sing.” The blonde closes her eyes and allows herself to experience the soundwaves generated from the distant peaks.  
“I feel it.” The poet was pleased with her response and walks into the cabin with a handful of wood from the fire.

Dinner was a soup with potatoes and root vegetables. Hearty, kept them warm. They sit in silence savoring the flavors, which in the beginning was only dirt to the blonde. Eventually, she learned to pick up on the essence of each variety of vegetation. 

“What is it that you love the most in this life?” the last person to ask her that question was Lexa, when she was a different person.  
“Last time I was asked, I said language.” The man grins and takes another spoon full of food.  
“There is more to life than language.”  
“Is that not what matters most to you?”  
“It’s my gift. People and earth is what matters most.” The writer expected Earth but was surprised to hear people from the hermit.  
“The critics define you as a recluse, disconnected from the world. They describe your art as detached, separate from society.”  
“Do you agree?” The translator pauses as she drinks some broth from her bowl.  
“I need to read your work again before I can answer.” The man coughs up husky laughter.  
“I don’t want to know what you think of my words. You share my world. What do you feel?”  
“I feel your connection with this place, the mountains, this is a part of you.” The poet is pleased with her insight.  
“Tomorrow we’ll read my book out loud.”

 

“I had a daughter once.” Clarke looks up from her sketches.  
“What happened?”  
“She lives with her mother in Europe.”  
“How long has it been?”  
“Over 30 years. She’s a bit older than you.”  
“You don’t talk to her?”  
“Her mother requested that I stay out of their lives.”  
“And you complied?”  
“I was young, a drunk and very selfish. My work consumed me.” Clarke left the rest to her imagination.  
“Have you ever loved anyone? You came here willingly, you must be alone, or crazy.”  
“Maybe a little bit of both.” That answer didn’t satiate the Poet. He waits patiently for her to answer. “There is someone in my life.”  
“Why did you come here?”  
“I don’t know. To grow, I guess.”  
“As a writer?”  
“As a human?”  
“Tell me about your person? Do you love him?”  
“I love her. She’s the one.”  
“Those are the words you use to describe your true love? And you call yourself a writer?” Clarke snickers.  
“In Paris, I paint how I feel about her.”  
“You paint?”  
“Words have never been enough with her.” The author was surprised and delighted to learn this.  
“Parisian women have inspired great art.”  
“She’s from the States, like me. That’s where she lives.”  
“Why do you live in Paris?”  
“Bad timing.”  
“Does she know how you feel?”  
“We’ve exchanged words.”  
“Yet, you’re here with an old man in the cold mountains.”  
“I want to be my best for her.”  
“She did not love you before?”  
“She did, at least I think she did.”  
“You did not love yourself.” The poet states understanding the situation completely. Those words penetrated the translator, it was the truth. The poet found this new information to be curious. Every day, until the end of winter, he would learn something new about the girl’s interesting bond with her love. Clarke was more than happy to talk about Lexa, it made her feel connected to the yogi and it got her thinking about a future with her, something she has never allowed herself to do. 

In September, the writers return to the city. She was relieved to have access to modern amenities of running hot water, electricity and wifi. Yet, a part of her missed the mountains, the simplicity, the silence. She imagined that Lexa went through a similar transition after her travels through Asia and could understand why she needed to escape to the mountains to reset and detach from the demands of the modern world, even for just a moment. 

At dinner Clarke shares photos of her paintings. The poet was impressed.  
“Has she seen these?”  
“No, she doesn’t know I paint.”  
“This is it. This is your great expression of love. You must share this with her.”  
“I want to, I just…”  
“Stop thinking. Hasn’t the mountains taught you anything?”  
“I have work in Europe. I’m here with you indefinitely until I finish your book, that I haven’t even started.” Hearing herself out loud put it in perspective. That’s not what matters. Sharing her life, her passions with her person, continuing to grow with them, that’s what matters.  
“After we eat, I want you to translate one of my poems. No computer, no books, just by your hand.”

The poet reads her work. He’s silent. The girl is preparing herself for the worst, for him to rip it to shreds to crush it in his hands and toss it, but he doesn’t. 

“After you translate my book, I want you to write a prologue.” He hands her the translation. “I will talk to your editor. You will have plenty of work in your future. Tomorrow I will drive you to the airport.”  
“But, the translation, I-“  
“You can translate from anywhere. I recommend home.” He looks firmly in her eyes to ensure that he gets his message across. 

 

October

“Clarke! Hi!”  
“Hey, you.” The writer puts in her head phones as she continues her walk through the park.  
“I can’t believe you’re back in Paris.”  
“I know, the old man really threw me for a loop.”  
“I wish I could meet him. I really like his writing.”  
“Oh, you read it?”  
“I did, I wanted to be able to discuss with you.” The blonde’s heart melts. The yogi has always supported her and has had a genuine interest in her work from the beginning.”  
“You’re so sweet.”  
“Sweet enough for you to come home for Thanksgiving?” The blonde was very careful as to how to proceed.  
“You know I want to, but I can’t. It’s not exactly a holiday here.” Lexa knew that, but she missed the blonde and she felt no shame in asking.  
“I know, I thought I’d try. It’s just that Luna is featuring this amazing artist this year.”  
“Yeah, she mentioned it. They’re local, right?”  
“Yeah, the one that gifted a painting to Sutra.”  
“I wish I could be there, I miss you.”  
“I miss you too.”  
“What do you miss.” Clarke asks seductively. Lexa swallows hard. That voice did things to her.  
“Your lips.”  
“Yeah? Do you think about them often?”  
“I do.”  
“What do I do with them that you miss so much?”  
“You…” Clarke was aching with anticipation. “…read to me.” Lexa can’t hold back her snickering. The blonde rolls her eyes and grins but can’t help but be slightly sexually frustrated.  
“Such a tease.”  
“Oh, come on, I love when you read to me. That voice is so sexy.” Lexa was having too much fun with the blonde.  
“Well, that’s one thing that you’re not good at.”  
“What’s that?”  
“Phone sex.”  
“No one’s perfect. Is it a deal breaker?” There was nothing that would change how Clarke felt about the love of her life.  
“Nah, girl. I want you as is.”

 

November

“So let me get this straight.” Raven says taking over the screen from Luna. “You’ve pretty much become The translator for all of the writers in the old man’s circle.”  
“Yeah.”  
“He has prodigies all around the world.”  
“Uh huh.”  
“And you can work from anywhere.”  
“Yup.” The Rocket Scientist was flabbergasted.  
“How did you pull this off?”  
“Magic. Is it ok if I stay with you guys until I find my own place?”  
“Um yeah! It’s about damn time!”  
“You can’t tell anyone. ANYONE.” The blonde reiterates.  
“Our lips are sealed” Luna assures.  
“This is fucking beautiful!” Raven exclaims.

 

***

Lexa entered the gallery and was instantly blown away by the massive canvases on display. There was already a decent crowd that seemed to be pleased with the work. She saw Luna surrounded by people, some critics, some patrons and collectors. She imagined they wanted to know who was responsible for the paintings that had put them on a sensory overload, evoking wonder and conjuring latent emotions. 

“Yes, the artist will be here tonight.”  
“Why does she insist on signing it anonymous?”  
“There’s a method in her madness.”  
“So, it’s a woman?” Luna accidentally let that slip. She sees Lexa and takes the opportunity to make an exit.  
“Excuse me.” She squeezes her way out of the crowd. “Lex!”  
“Luna, hey!”  
“So, what do you think?”  
“This is incredible! I have no words.”  
“Glad you like it. Come with me, the artist has been waiting to see you.”  
“Um, ok.” Luna grabs her forearm and leads her to the back of the gallery. 

Luna and Lexa arrive at the red rope that restricted the area from the public and walk right over it. The curly haired woman leads her friend to the other side of the display wall. The yogi continues alone walking towards a woman looking at a series of the Sutra paintings that hangs in her studio. Her perception deceives her because her mind tells her it’s the artist but her eyes see a figure resembling, someone else. Lexa’s legs a are numb when she realizes who it is. She’s paralyzed as the woman turns around.

“Hey you.” The artist was overwhelmed when she first picked up the scent of the yogi’s earthy essence. Seeing her made her even more emotional.  
“Clarke?” The blonde meets her halfway. “What…? How- When did you…?” She takes her hands to calm them both.  
“I had to see you. It's been too long.”  
“But, your work.” The brunette was genuinely concerned that she had kept her from her life in Paris.  
“I’ve relocated. Our poet pulled some strings with my editor.” Lexa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She wasn’t ready for any of it.  
“So, you’re back?”  
“I am.” Neither could keep from straining their facial muscles from their unshakable smiles.  
“And you did all this?” The brunette could barely process all the news at once.  
“I had a muse.” With that, Clarke couldn’t wait any longer she places Lexa’s hands on her hips and wraps her own around her neck. “Please, Lex. Let me love you now.”  
All the brunette could do was nod as the blonde tilts her head before she kisses her like it was the first and last time, like she was air, life. They were weightless and there was nothing beyond this. At that moment, time and space were irrelevant. Eventually, their foreheads touch, lips part, as they are lost in each other’s eyes.  
“Is this real?” Lexa asks still suspended in disbelief.  
“Feels pretty real.”  
“Finally!” Raven cries out with all of their friends and family looking on from the other side of the display wall. “Geez, took you guys long enough, so chatty!” Both women start to chuckle coming back to earth at the sounds of their people's admiration of their union. Lexa turns to greet everyone but Clarke holds her back.  
“One last thing.”  
“What’s that, beautiful.”  
“I kind of need a girlfriend for Thanksgiving.” Lexa smiles, ready to start again, a blank canvas they would mar together.


End file.
